Sunday 24^th / Monday 25^th March 2013 - Winter Cup

(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

 

Stratts breaks his duck, my Precious, at not so Glorious Goodwood!

 

And onto another season – this one however would start with a difference – a real winter cup not the mild weather of previous years but ice cold wind and snow – in fact Stratts left 2 inches of snow at home to make the journey.  Jeff gave Peng a lift Goodwood, and announced he was practising holding the human flag position for 15 seconds………..perhaps he is not a salsa dancer after all……..but a pole dancer instead!  XL decided to sample both courses on the first day when he arrived at the day-2 venue and had to cancel his brekkie order to travel back to the right course………….

 

During breakfast (at the right course) Peng enquired what egg and soldiers were, how can anyone not know what egg and soldiers are……….still despite this he still considered it as a second breakfast option!  Outside, Stratts demonstrated how seriously he was taking the competition this year when he decided to put in a couple of hours practise……….Baz decided the best preparation for him was to thin x9 flop shots on the spin………..Anyway on to the first tee – again with a few flakes of snow in the air.  First group out consisted of Stratts, Si and Jerry – the new boy (of course Stratts tried to blag a handicap of 22 for his mate but we all know about Stratts and handicaps so 18 was agreed for his first outing).

 

Second group out was Jeff, Peng and Barth – jeff immediately incurred a rules discussion, whilst his ball was behind the yellow markers, his nose was clearly several inches over…..still as it’s the first event and his nose has always been that big we let him off.

 

Final group out to play was XL, Dogleg and Baz – we would have a very friendly round of golf with never more than 3 points between all the players at any time.  The best effort on the front nine came on the 3^rd hole when after a poor tee shot and recovery XL stiffed his approach shot setting up an almost certain par……………….but as we all know an almost certain par usually means a bogey, but still a great recovery from where he had been.

 

Up ahead jeff was playing some good golf and would be the only player not to make a blob on the opening 18 holes (of course he would more than make up for this on day-2 but that’s another story!).  A moment of mirth occurred on the front nine when Jeff was faced with chipping over a puddle – he looked at his ball, then at Barth and they both instinctively knew where the ball would finish…………….oh well at least it’s a free drop from casual water.  Peng would take this trick one stage further when he hit his ball into a bunker filled with water – not once but twice from the same place.

 

In the first group Jerry had announced himself as of Mexican descent – despite playing four shots lower than Stratts wanted him to he would lead on day-1 posting 34 points, one more than Stratts (33 points).  He also tried to kill Simon Wray (which is harsh……………) Simon unaware Jerry was reloading decided to bend down and get something out of his bag – the ball flew at some speed between Simons, bag, arm and head…………..through a very small gap indeed!  Si was his usual calm self and after a few swigs of Jack Daniel’s the world was a better place.

 

Day-1 scoring was completed with Barth (31) and Jeff (30) no one else was really in contention – After an interesting day filled with Pars and blobs Baz managed to miss the numpty group by a single point.

 

Onto the hotel most boys made use of the leisure facilities before heading down to the bar for dinner – the food was ok – probably the highlight of the night was XL buying all the boys a whiskey, the low light (for him) was Barth losing both rounds of spoof to buy the beers!

 

Onto day-2 and as always the first group out would head off into the distance – partially of course aided by XL and Si taking a buggy (really? In that cold weather) so Peng would be left to wander the fairways (well rough) on his own…………as punishment jeff & baz managed to make the old clubs falling off the back of the buggy trick (despite XL thinking he had prevented this).  The first hole of the day was a par-3 and playing long – despite this XL would hit the ball to 6 feet – in fact he would do this all day on each of the nearest pin holes……….but alas someone would always got closer!  Having read the the pro’s tip saying “skirt with the edge of the trees” Peng promptly smacked his ball into the middle of them,  XL duly advised think Thong not Skirt and a glorious provisional would follow……………… seems to be a theme here – last year Peng’s game improved after he had a few beers on the course now he is whacking it down the middle after thinking thong…………to quote a popular poem “Peng, you are a man my son”

 

In the second group, on the second hole the green was set some 100 yards away in a valley in his eagerness to get out of the wind Jeff would lead Dog and Baz through the hedges and bushes via the direct route – straight down at a 60 degree gradient……..fortunately no one fell to their death………..except Baz’s ball of course (that had gone via the same route).

 

On the final day Jeff and Dogleg tried to go backwards in the competition – in fact Dogleg managed to go backwards from most lies – including an extraordinary bunker shot that resulted in the ball plugging facing the wrong way!  On the back-9,  jeff and Dog would accumulate just 18 points between – less than Baz on his own (and he threw another of his blobs in on the 18^th, making the total 11 across the two days).

 

Up ahead battle was raging – Jerry had misplaced his sombrero and was therefore unable to stay in contention so it came down to Stratts & Barth – in the end Barth would blob the 18^th allowing Stratts to sneak home by a single point. 

 

The final act of the weekend was played out in the bar where Baz and Dog convinced both Barth and Stratts the event was drawn and they would need to play extra holes – both the guys headed reluctantly back out in the cold – until we decided we couldn’t do it to them and declared Stratts the winner.  Great course on day-2, and as always a good weekend

Saturday 20^th April 2013 – Herts Stableford

(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

 

Stratts conquers the slopes

 

 

The season started in glorious sunchine with a visit to Hertfordshire and a new course for the schedule – Chartridge Park.  Baz, Jeff, & Dog decided a sneaky bat at London Hatfield would be in order on the Friday afternoon – Jeff of course played like god until we raised the stakes.  As the boys were planning a few beers and a curry – the decision was made – first birdie gets a free starter! Baz having played rubbish duly found some form a 250 yard drive, 80 yard pitch and a 4 foot putt secured his food.  Dog followed up two holes later – and Jeff was left with the bill.  Jeff’s luck would continue the next day as well – having clearly left his best stuff on the Hatfield course on the wron day.

 

Lard & Peng duly arrived at Chateux Jeff on Saturday morning and after Dog and Jeff polished off left over curry for breakfast the trip to the course began.  Peng prepared himself for the usual two breakfasts by getting some sleep – he was sparko within two minutes of leaving the house!  He would repeat this trick leaving the golf club some 6 hours later – it does beg the question…….is Peng a Cat?

 

Jeff, Stratts & Dill lead the way – Stratts showing he had brought his game out when he hit is opening tee shot into 10 feet on the opening par-3.  Jeff however would have very few highlights as he played the day like a one armed bandit.  Dill had a tough day at the office picking his ball up on numerous occasions, in fact on the 14^th green he would have a putt for a par that would double his points tally…………

 

In the second group Jerry was making steady progress enjoying a good day – although all the boys showed they were a bunch of townies on the 15^th when they discovered a waiting 'crowd' of penned in birds.  A discussion took place as the guys could not make up their minda if they were ducks or geese.  XL expressed a moment of frustration as in “who the f*ck cares”…………..Jerry’s day was complete managing to get himself into the Captains charity bunker but unlike Lard who went in at the front he managed to go in from the back via a torturous hard to explain black hole kind of route. 

 

In the final group Baz and Dog were both playing gloriously and having a good battle, until they got to the drivable par-4 17^th – both guys decided they were just off the pace and would need to take it on, of course both would make blob and then find themselves only a point or so off the pace when they got to the clubhouse.  Peng by contrast would make birdie on his way to a 20 point back nine taking second place.

Saturday 1^st June 2013 – Captain’s Day

(Report by Andre Clothier)

 

 

What on earth do you want Cider for?

 

 

So here we were for the first full society golf round of the year, home of the endless (yawn again) stories of Wotton Bassett’s rugby tours (sorry Bryan) thank God he was away on captain duties for Marlborough GC.

 

The weather was just about perfect (if some of the golf wasn’t). Well done to Dog for what turned out be a very good score (33).

 

On the first, Jeff’s practice swing went  through a puddle and redecorated Si’s clean golfing uniform. I was accompanied by Chair and Stratts (when they were not in the bushes watering them).

 

The half-way house (between 9^th and 10^th) turned out to be an interestingly gastronomic delight, Bovril and fruit cakeJ. Now I may have made myself a name in the society (sniffer) but today I couldn’t find jack, well not mine anyway. And when I did see where they went I was trying my damnedest to lose them (aka bouncing it across the water on the 10^th).

 

Bob the Builder Baz did similar from the 4^th, only to find the water between 7^th and 8^th (impressive hook). On the 5^th whilst Jeff was taking a well-deserved rest (on his back) Si and Baz started dropping balls on him, Jeff throw the balls in the rough and as Baz went to throw a handful of old tee’s from the rubbish bin he pricked his finger prompting Si the recite the following joke 

 

“A little boy hurts his finger, runs in the house, and calls out to his mother. "Oh," she says, "let me get a band-aid for that."
"No!" cries the boy, "Cider!"
"Cider?" the mother exclaims. "What on earth do you want cider for?"
"Because," he explains, "Sis says whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she likes to put it in cider."

 

Si shortly followed that by losing his first tee shot with 2 bounces into the water, his second took 6 bounces before resting nicely on the far side. Jeff holed out from 50 yrds on the 11^th for a birdie. Baz keeping his game together on the 13^th hooks, hooks and hooks again before giving up for blob.

 

All 4 of them made blobs on the 18^th having given up long before the green.

Saturday 29^th June 2013 – Kent OOM

(Report by Jeff Hughes)

 

 

The Lions purr….but Hughes Major roars home

 

 

Dog and Hughes Major decided to keep up with the new custom for cross county golf day with a beer and a curry the night before, with  once again Dog getting away with a free starter by virtue of wining spoof.  So after the usual copious amounts of beer neither Dog nor Hughes Major remembered how they got home, maybe not the perfect preparation for a golf day or was it?

 

We were greeted at the golf course by blue skys and sunshine, no doubt due to the fact that we had decided to move the cross counties cup weekend as it always rains in June.  Today also saw us all wish 'Jelly' (said in a high pitch Harry Enfield sketch where the aliens are going shopping.  You know the one, the aliens are saying treeeeee, treeeeee. followed by arghhh 'baby Jesus'.  Its ok 'Jelly' is old enough to remember this sketch even if we youngsters can't) a very happy 50^th birthday and he becomes the third member of the over 50 club..

 

Breakfast in the early sunshine started the day and for those there early enough we were treated to a runaway horse with man in golf buggy tearing back up the first trying to stop it.  No one seemed to be worrying about where the rider had gone.  The breakfast, which was served by a fine young filly, came as a full breakfast, called a 'Professional' and we were surprised that anyone could order it.  Now maybe an 'Amateur' or better a 'Distinctly Average' breakfast would have had more takers.  That said Hughes Major wenr for it, only to make a schoolboy error leaving it to get sauces.  How on earth he came back to it unmolested will remain a mystery.

 

The talk of the breakfast table was focused very much on the Lions game and all of us where hoping that the Lions could turn in a performance, win the series and bring home the Tom Richards Cup.  Sorry that is all of us except our Welsh member, Mr XL, who went on a wordsmith rampage of why Gatland should not be the Lions manager and how he is giving all the Welsh training secrets away blah, blah, blah.  Needless to say he was told to wind his neck in as us true Brits supported our Lions.

 

The breakfast table was also the location for us to discuss as a group Dilly's handicap and we agreed that it would be correct and fair to put him back to twenty eight.  Fair! Fair to who? Hughes Major was playing in his umpteenth Janet Cup semifinal and was hoping to reach yet another final, but now he had to give Dilly thirteen shots. Surly this would play on the Numpty Butchers mind, would a shock be on the cards.  Could Hughes Major cope with this pressure or would he be grumbling in the club house later that if he had not given Dilly those extra five shots he would have won?

 

Anyway off we trudged off to the first tee with the opening group of Bazzer, 'Jelly' and Dog all firing perfect shots down the middle of a gaping fairway it looked like the boys meant business. 

 

As the second group of Hughes Major, XL and Dilly where waiting to open their round they and the third group of Lard, Stratz Adam and Sting (Editor Note: Sorry Sting is so much cooler than "Si") where witnessing a first, Hughes Major saying on the phone to Kiah 'I agree with your mum'.  At which point is was rumored that ravens started to pack bags at the tower.

 

With Hughes Major and his group still in shock they all recovered well enough, as did the final group, to hit the first fairway and the battle commenced although like the Lions game it was a tale of two halves.

 

The front nine no doubt belonged to Dog and Stratz.  Dog played like god on he front nine, not missing a fair way and nailing five pars on the spin! amassing twenty points along the way.  Maybe pre golf beer and curry is the perfect preparation for Dog?  However in the final group Stratz was putting Lard to the sword in his match play and although Lard was not playing poorly Stratz shot a one over par front nine and twenty points, thereby putting clear air between him and Lard. 

 

Hughes Major who was playing Dilly in the Janet Cup semifinal was also going quietly about his business reaching the turn with eighteen points, whilst also playing newsreader as he kept the second and third group informed of the Lions score.  However with Dilly having his extra shots and playing well Hughes Major was only two up at the turn would those additional shots and the well known fall off by Hughes Major allow Dilly to cross the line as a winner?

 

Anyhow back to the real stuff 'Jelly' may have been celebrating his fiftieth birthday Bazzer was in awe of his prowess as on the second hole 'Jelly' with a 190 yards into wind stiffed his six iron, poor Bazzer felt inadequate as he was holding a six iron at the time some thirty yards short of him!  However this was to be exceled by XL who on the par five sixth hit his eight iron with true Welsh grit twenty yards through the back, this was followed by a look at his club and yardage chart and in Hughes Major style was heard muttering that was never 150 yards in!!!!

 

Although on the front nine the points were flowing the greens were very slow and although Dog  had amassed  a twenty point front nine he did this playing as the three putt monster, were usually he operates as a three pint shagger, along with his regular wing man Hughes Major

 

So as I said as I said a game of two halves, Bazzer struggled on the front nine with just thirteen points out but would make a massive recovery on the back nine where almost everyone else would fall away.

 

The back nine started with a simple par four and with Bazzer and 'Jelly' holding their pose with lovely approach shots,  Bazzer goes on to makes the birdie and starts his charge as in the following group there are blobs all round.  Suddenly Bazzer is closing the gap on the field.

 

So we reached hole twelve named Skylark on the card which makes sense but for some strange reason it is spelt on the hole planner in either the Scottish or pirate dialect of 'Skylark'. Quite apart from the fact that you would have thought the bloke painting it might have thought something was wrong it led to 'Sting' and Lard spending the next few holes thinking up names for holes for the course they are going to own (via the lottery I guess).  As you can imagine it descended into school boy puerile humour pretty well immediately, with holes named The Snatch, Wankers Doom, Vinegar Strokes, Deep Bush and Cleavage.  Obviously the latter two really appealed to Dog and Hughes Major

 

So with Stratz and Hughes Major playing so well on the front nine how were their match play games situated.  Well Dilly had unfortunately let his game slip and Hughes Major was able to post a win six and five to reach yet another Janet Cup final, but better still not have to say in the club house it's not fair you gave him all those shots today.  As for Lard and Stratz, Lard was digging in so as to avoid a dogs license and managed to take a couple of holes off Stratz in the process, something apparently previous combatants had not managed this year.  Would this be the greatest comeback ever? However it was a rather ignominious end when Lard's approach to the 15^th went awry but still looked safe and with Stratz deep in the front right bunker Lard though the match was still on. Alas Lard's ball was deep in long grass from whence it failed to appear after two swipes.  With a hint of desperation and tons of resignation Lard picked his ball up and Stratts who took three to get out of the bunker won the hole with a blob.

 

So as the second half continues 'Jelly' on the fourteenth is about to throw in the towel after hacking through the undergrowth he then performs what is affectingly known as a Bloddie and holes a bullet from off the green for a bogey!  So as we reach the sixteenth tee the first group is all square and with no idea what was happening behind them.  Bazzer who knows everyone's scores and every permutation was now thinking count back may be his friend.

 

We know that Stratz has blobbed to win a hole, we know Dog is feeling the effects of the night before and we know that Dilly has lost his match to Hughes Major.  However did Dilly fell off his round or did Hughes Major decide to bring his golf game to the party?

 

So we hit the seventeenth and with Baz the only one to get a shot here it is was great chance for Baz to hit the front group.  Well Bazzer does just that as he follows up his hole in one from last year with a birdie and with Dog and 'Jelly' making a bogey suddenly Bazzer is the favorite to post the club house leading score.

 

Behind them in Group two, Hughes Major continues to play solid and with the pressure off in his match play he goes par, bogie, bogie through fifteen, sixteen and seventeen would the blob on ten and thirteen mean he has blown it and Bazzer has positioned himself to win?

 

The eighteenth tee, let me picture it for you, out of bounds down the right, trees down the left, as it would say in any yard chart pro tip "this hole requires a straight tee shot".  Alas Bazzer carves his ball into the trees on the left, 'Jelly' carves his ball into the trees right but stays in bounds and Dog strikes his as the pro says true and down the middle.  Surprisingly although wayward tee shots both 'Jelly' and Bazzer find their ball and whilst they search for Dog's ball they see Hughes Major, Dilly and XL waiting on the tee and wave them through.  Bazzer knows he is right up there and is hoping for a loose drive from Hughes Major.  However Hughes Major, as he did all day, once again nails a nice long drive down the middle of the fairway.  Hughes Major goes onto to get a par, scoring a solid thirty nine points for the win and XL bogy's to reach his pre round target of a respectable thirty points.

 

So it all comes down to the last group did the pre curry and beer enable Hughes Major to pass the finishing line? Yes it did and in the end by a country margin.  However did anyone ever ask or care if the rider of the bolting horse was ok?

 

Unfortunately for the Lions they lost 16-15 but would recover in the final test to roar to victory like Hughes Major.  This was soon followed by Andy Murray's Wimbledon victory, well done Murray.  So everyone apart from XL (question is, is this shirt size XL) would have enjoyed the sporting exploits of the summer.

Saturday 27^th July - Hampshire OOM

(Report by Jeff Hughes)

 

 

Who needs a back brace!

 

The day begun in the usual way, Peng had found the golf course but no breakfast – so a text to Jeff to advise he had found a place three minutes walk down the road doing an all you can eat brekkie for 8.95...Only Peng can sniff food out from 200 paces.

 

On the first tee Baz tried to recreate history by handing jeff his driver on the first tee (as the hole was 260 yards long…..) - when we were last here a few years ago Jeff was foolish enough to fall for this and started with a blob - Lightening does not strike twice and Jeff hits a solid 5 iron down the middle – however a school boy error by Jeff meant that all his clubs were rearranged – he told Bazzer to ensure my club goes back in the correct place....Bazzer on the other hand announced he would play safe today did take driver and finished 50 yards right on the adjacent 9th fairway.

On the third tee Stratz announced it was his first round in three years where he never had to wear a back brace, he then plays the front nine level par and would end the day at just +2.  Maybe Stratz new handicap should be wearing his back brace that may give us all a chance. Also on the third tee Jeff nearly hit by a ball from the other fairway.  As he was walking down the fairway he politely told the guy that after the balls had hit the trees it was just sitting up on our fairway.  As the bloke was about to say thanks Jeff reverted to type and said something along the lines of next time why don't you bloody well try calling "FORE!" you ignorant git.... The guy then put his head down and scuttled past without saying another word

After five holes, four bunkers and only four points Jeff was not feeling very happy with the world, announcing "I dont want to play golf......" however back to back birdies saw a mood swing and Jeff start singing "I am in the mood for dancing".  Jeff in fact goes on to hit four birdies in the round his most ever with his final birdie being a thirty feet birdie down hill putt on the 18th

By the 7th tee my gonads where a little warm so I dropped my trousers , leaving boxers in place for once to give a welcome relief to my little man...As the breeze was so nice I decided to look like the youth of today and belted my trousers up beneath my arse and played the hole with my boxers displayed for all to see..  Have to be honest it is not very comfortable so not sure why kids do this sh!t

On the 8th Jelly gets distracted by an ant walking over his line and gets in all fours with his nose to the ground in a Robbie Fowler pose to blow the ant.  I know I have my faults and have seen some strange stuff but I have never seen anyone blow an ant off in my in my life and does sniffing your golf line give you an unfair advantage and is it allowed in the rules of golf?

We got to the 15th and had to wait ten minutes to tee off as the group in front were not only RUBBISH but inconsiderate as they must have stopped for drinks……….so Jeff steps up and duffs his tee shot, Jelly duffs his tee shot and Stratz who to this point had played like God hits his tee shot off to the right into the trees.  But boy what a recovery.  A chip out into the fairway an approach shot hitting the green was followed by a twenty foot put up the hill with break to save par....

Lard having a terrible back 9 after 17 points out.  But to rub salt into the wound Bazzer sending out the official results with Lard's round being  removed from the history books by placing Dilly 9th.  I know we are getting used to Dilly being last but Dilly was not able to play.

 

In the final group of the day Baz was having a great round getting as low as -5 at one point (although in fairness Adam was playing even better – when he joins the competition he will be a real handful!).  On hearing Strattz score Baz decided to chase a little and his challenge was ended after a blob on the 14^th.  He did do just enough to secure second place and hold off Jeff who after his poor start managed 30 points in the last 14 holes.

 

Another round in the mid to late 20’s for Mr Wray saw him move to 7^th in the OOM and only a few points behind Dogleg – in fact only 14 order of merit points separated the players from 3^rd to 9^th in a closely contested season.

Friday 6^th September – Sunday 8^th September 2013

Cross Counties Cup - Cheltenham

 

Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-1/OOOM Rnd-5 – Cirencester GC

(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

Wheezy Kid left on the bench!

 

After many years of glorious September sunshine the boys decided to move the Summer Cup to September….and we started in cold, wet rain (and yes for the record the usual weekend we play was glorious sunshine!)……….A small a-side was Jerry and Strattz arriving much later than planned after a disagreement saw the sat nav bashed up into little pieces…………..

 

First job for the day was to pick the teams – first the captains were drawn Jerry & Dill and so the sides were picked in the usual manner – finally we came down to the last pick Si & Lard and thus it was the wheezy kid left on the shelf to play in Dill’s team (that is Lard for those who haven’t yet worked it out!) – to make it worse wheezy kid also missed out on a singles match – still that was probably no bad thing as Team Essex delivered a white was and finished the day leading 6-0 !

 

And so we began in the rain – this of course was also the Order of merit round so important the guys all came straight out of the blocks…..extra motivation was given to boys as Strattz announced he would win all the gongs and kick all of our arses………..he would have a lot of work to do after day one as he only posted 32 points and found himself down the leaderboard.  Baz’s day was going quite well until he got to the 12^th – the course planner showed OOB and Baz was struggling to understand exactly where it was – no problem a carved drive to the right solved the riddle……….worse was to come 5 minutes later when Andre hopped over the fence to retrieve the ball……….a short throw saw Baz slip and finish on his arse! with a crocked ankle and 6 holes on one leg!

 

Dog had a good day posting 36 points (he did initially claim 37 but adjusted in the club house) and Jeff had 9 pars on his way to 33 points – a serious order of Merit challenge now very much underway!

 

Andre’s contribution to the day (beyond crocking Baz of course) was two moments of magic – one of 17 when he managed to hit his ball backwards……..twice and then on 18 when he used the wall to rebound his ball onto the green.  Wheezy kid surprised everyone when he decided to go back to the tee (on 18) when blob was always the likely outcome…….and indeed blob was achieved.

 

The final act of the day was left to Strattz – who had a moment of road rage culminating with him leaving his car to offer a fellow driver a slap………only for him to be advised not to be a silly boy by the local plod (driving in an unmarked motor…………)

Saturday 7^th September – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-2

 (Report by Barry Hughes)

 

Jerry finds pain at Painswick!

 

Day-2 began with a journey to the mythical Painswick……a long winding road up the hills and a field in which to abandon your car……..This was followed by confusion about tee times and the proclamation by Dogleg that he had been here before and it is a course full of danger and lost balls…….on the news that there were no course planners (except the one in Dogleg’s bag………) smart phones were put to good use as one man from each group took the relevant photos. 

 

On the first tee Baz decided to leave his driver & woods in the car to avoid all the alledged danger – a decision he regretted after the first 4 holes as each tee shot seemed to present a big wide fairway and no danger………..but come the end of the round he was happy with the decision! 

 

And so a short 220 yard hole saw a succession of players mess up their tee shots – short, wide or in the huge crater that protected the green!  Baz managed to avoid the crater with his first shot – but duly popped his second in!

 

Onto the 3^rd hole Baz took aim – a young couple wandering along a path running down the right hand side of the hole – a whoosh of the 2-iron saw the ball sail straight at the said couple (who would have thought I could hit it that straight!) luckily the ball sailed some 10 yards over the heads and all was well. Next man to go was Stratts – he hit am lovely drive down the fairway and finally Dill was left to play.  Now in the few minutes between Baz hitting his ball our young couple had moved much closer to the tee…………..oblivious to this Blind Dill stepped up – announced these guys were still the line, a quick glance exchanged between Baz and Strattz – but before we could speak Dill cracked his ball – also straight at the said couple…………..let’s just say he didn’t clear them by 10 yards……..maybe 1.0!  Aiming at people was trick that Dill would repeat on the 16^th where he whacked it at an old dear walking her dog.

 

In the first group out Jerry was having a shocker – obviously taking Doglegs warnings about the course to heart – he was losing golf balls for fun and not having much of it! And also making sure anyone who saw him knew it – he was swearing and threatening to walk in and would eventually post a worst of the day 22 points.

 

Si on the other had was having another good day – ultimately posting 29 points, with these being gathered in the usual erratic and amusing manner……….for example:

 

1. Si hit one of his drives straight at a marker in front of the tee – the ball ricocheted back and almost took himself out!
2. Next time he hit his drive sideways – on the angle and almost wiped Jerry out
3. He lost a ball on the fairway – only to find it after a few minutes looking by his bag…….
4. And then finally he walked all over Jerry’s line before marking his ball…….and this was one of the few occasions where Jerry had managed to get to the green!

 

There were two completely blind par-3 holes on the course – both of them effectively required the golfer to whack the ball in the air over a ridge (approx. 25 yards high – the line denoted by a small post) – once the ball got over the ridge it would fall down onto a bowl shaped green – and down towards the pin.  Some of the players found these comfortable holes and some had a whole heap of trouble!

 

Just after the second of these holes Strattz buggy finally gave up – having been dragged across hills and mountains for the best part of 3 hours – he would have to park it up against a tree and abandon it on the course………this did of course lead to a heap of whingeing about how much this was going to bugger his back up (well we all know Strattz) – in fairness his scoring did tail off in the last few holes and the points he did get were mainly down to some awesome putting (holing 4 putts from beyond 10ft in the last 5 holes)

 

The seventeenth hole would leave a mark on most of the boys as 5 of the nine players managed to hit the road from the tee – all boys found their ball – some not far away some very far away – but good entertainment for those watching as the golf balls flew long and far in all different directions!  Spare a thought also for the poor buggers behind us.  On the second hole a 4-ball approached Strattz and I, to declare they were a match and had right of way if we were holding them up we were to let them through…………rude bugga’s why did they think they would be faster than a 3-ball (even if it is us!!!) – needless to say they never got close and finished behind us.

 

Baz had a great back nine with 23 points – securing the best round of the day and getting himself back into contention for the Cross Counties Cup – Wheezy kid also had a good day posting 34 points and making it into the final group for the first time.  In fact the final place for the last group would need some kind of playoff – as Baz, Jeff and Strattz all finished on the same score – it was decided that spoof was clearly the best way to resolve this – Strattz duly won to take his place with Dogleg & Lard.

 

The second day of the team event saw a complete turnaround as Team Wiltshire completed a white wash of their own, Andre & wheezy kid in particular claimed significant 4&3 wins over Jeff and Jerry – as the cup score was level overnight at 6-6.

 

And onto the evening and a curry – and for once Lard did not lose at spoof and have to pay for starters – that fate fell to Andre & Si (who decided to split the bill rather than go head to head) – Jeff then blagged a “birthday” Sambucca after an excellent Ruby was had by all.  Jeff’s evening would finish with Dogleg in the usual way…………beer and monsters!

Sunday 8^th September – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-3

 (Report by Barry Hughes)

 

Dog stops the Slam!

 

And onto the final day, all to play for with the team event poised at 6-6 and the individual competition having 5 players separated by just 5 points.

 

The final course would become a tale of two nines!  The front nine was quiet friendly and straight forward and there were a lot of good scores posted – with Dog, Baz and Strattz in particular playing well and remaining in the hunt.  The back nine by contrast would prove to be a more difficult challenge with only Jeff and Jerry really coming out well.

 

The first hole was a gentle Par-4 and most players found the fairway and green in a reasonable number of shots (in fact of all the players only Andre would start with a blob) – when Baz got to the green he decided the best way to look at the line of his putt was to take a step backwards from the edge of the green…………..a few seconds later he found himself laying down in the bunker………..not the best start to the day!

 

After 11 holes it had become a 3-horse race as Dog held a slender 3 point lead over Baz and Strattz, however the next hour would be pivotal.  Dog would continue to play his own game (quite easy really given Lard and Strattz were sharing a buggy).  Baz had a proper collapse, carding x4 blobs on the spin on the most difficult part of the course.  Strattz would drift a few more points back effectively giving Dogleg an unassailable lead.

 

By the time the boys got to the 18^th there was only two things left at stake, the battle for the final podium place – Jeff would take this from Baz by making a par on the 18^th and the team event.  One of the pivotal matches would prove to be Baz v Jerry.  On the 18^th hole Jerry had hit his tee shot out of bounds – and reloaded.  He would go on to make a second ball eagle and secure a par – this would be enough to secure a half in his match v Baz, so it was all down to the other players to determine the outcome of the event.  Team Wiltshire won 2 matches, while team Essex managed 3 wins, so the halved match would allow team Essex to regain the trophy with a 9.5 to 8.5 win.

 

After the round the last of the whip money provided a good send off – with roast Beef or Pork baps ensuring everyone was well fed before the journey home – a good job for Jerry & strattz who have a 6 hour nightmare with punctures*

 

*I say punctures – what I mean is a “puncture……..” Dog and I pulled up alongside Jerry as he was busy changing the tyre (blimey it did look like he was going to keel over as well!) as he put the spare on Jerry announced “what a result I had a puncture 6 months ago and I didn’t think I’d repaired the spare, looks like I have”………20 yards after driving off he realised he hadn’t! and a long wait for the AA would follow!

 

A good weekend as always, well played Team Essex & well played to Dogleg who was able to stop the Strattz waffle about how he was going to win everything……………….

Saturday 5^th October – Chairman’s Day

 (Report by Dave Abbott)

 

Lock, Stock & Smoking Drivers!

 

So off to Stockley Pines which had got the breakfasts back on much to Peng’s relief. Despite being shunted to later in the year c/o a later Summer Cup the weather still held out as oft it does for Chairman’s Day, so looks like that worked out pretty well for both comps. A goodly turn out and a welcome to Shane.   Good to see Barth back as well getting a day off from his Captain’s duties at Marlboro’ GC and his Mercedes UK Finals at Stan Drews still managing to continue to post podium finishes every year this time only needing to turn up once to do it.

 

The First – A good place to start

To the 1^st well not even that as the course staff got themselves into a bit of a pickle and Baz into a bit of a froth by having the temerity to ask for full payment having initially ‘come to an arrangement’.

Peng was mentioned in dispatches not least as he stiffs it to on the first and makes a 2ft birdie as he posted what will soon become the namesake Peng Round – Either score big or not at all.  Later putting for net Albatross on the par 5 14^th. If that was the SI 1 then must have been a fav hole as I was doing the same having got to about 10feet in 3.  I had to settle for a net Eagle as I presumed did Peng but reckon we would both have taken that on the tee. I also heard that Dills knocked in a net hole in one as part of a very decent steady round.  Si was in danger of doing a Peng as well having scored only two points in the first 5 holes and then twenty-six points in the next 13 holes.

 

Myself, Marmite and Excel set off on the first only to all be playing at the wrong flag so made for some interesting approaches to the green which I think bamboozled the group ahead. I saw Barth pointing out where all three balls were with a quizzical look on his face.  The pressure of a win at the previous visit to this course must have got to me as I started badly. Marmite and Excel were a little more steady from the off.

 

England Beckons

Excel did attract some attention on the 7^th as he said ‘look at my skills’ and tried to play a little back heel movement with his ball on the green only to miss it completely and nearly fall flat on his face.

 

Excel’s round then started to take a bit of a pounding as mine picked up with Marmite being pretty consistent at least from the tee and might have proved a real contender if approaches to the greens and putting were better. Excel did have a bit of a mare on the 9^th and he might not have appreciated me having a chortle but I did find it funny when I picked up his provvie that was in a bunker, threw it to him after he played his shot and once again wanting to show off his footy skills, he tried to trap it and instead kicked it straight back into the bunker.  An England call up awaits – Well if Ashley Young keeps playing there is hope for us all.

 

Mr Motivator

Baz turned the screw having interpreted me saying I was playing badly as Marmite was playing badly and got his game into gear playing the next seven holes 1 under course par for 22 points – well whatever works I guess.

 

Balls

I squirmed round losing just the one ball in the round and would not have then been welcomed into the open arms of the four ball behind.  Baz hit one down the road on the 10^th with a bounce taking it into the stratosphere just past the last star on the right and straight on ‘til morning ie never to be seen again.  But losing one ball on a hole, even if that dramatically, played second fiddle to having lost three (yes 3) balls on the 8^th holding the honour for the 9^th despite good efforts from most of the group Dilly having lost two and Peng one all on the same hole.  I say most as Si didn’t get the email and decided to putt out the hole with the same ball as he tee’d off with. 

 

Let’s Swing It

Having often had the open air concert follow us around Hainault it would appear that the Chairman’s day retains the attraction as Rock n Roll oldies blared across the course (from nearby Uxbridge FC). This did result in some pretty awful dad dancing from many of the groups with even Snake Hips Peng throwing some shapes to some 50’s tooones.  Must have been influencing him more than he thought as his swing got faster and faster during the round but  not without success as he posted a huge provvie to within about 40 yards of the 375 yard 16^th. I know as I saw it and in fact his first land just behind me as we were searching for Marmites big tee biff.  At least I was on hand to say where the first went.

 

Mind the Gap

On the SI 2 Dills and Baz stood chatting whilst Si wound up only slicing the ball between the pair of them whilst standing only 10cm apart (that’s about 4 inches for us older folk).   I say well played Si as that can’t have been easy!

 

Grabbing Defeat from the Jaws of Victory

Baz must feel a little cheated having needing to win to stand as chance of winning the overall OOM he won for the first time in three years.  Well he didn’t actually win the whole day because despite several cut wounds already inflicted Adam yet again posted a 40 pointer.   The society win gave Baz enough points to be equal first overall only to then be beaten by a single point when worse score is taken away (count back) which kind of penalised him for having a better score on the points to be dropped.  Doubly maybe trebly harsh! But a well done to Stratts.

 

Post Haste Addendum

Andre-it would appear that the Baz pencil once again descended on me back at Baz’s secret underground lair, this time snipping a point off me for you to then beat me on count back!  So I didn’t beat you this time!

 

Chair-idy

A huge thanks to all for Charity donations. We came into the day with a £60 pot collected through the year. I know Adam chucked his winnings back into the pot earlier in the year and did so again on the day.  I was losing track of money coming in but Barth, Stratts and Exell I think all chucked NP winnings in.  Jerry beating me 3 up to take the Chairman’s plate added further to the pot @ £ a point as usual and we took in 13x£5 for the paper competitions which were won by Gerry for selecting D2 Flitwick on the Bus Stop (drawn by the club bar man) which got him £10 and Adam for choosing er himself as overall winner earning him £10 along with Barf picking Dilly and getting £5 for the wooden spoon.  Again from an ever more shaky memory all put their winnings back into the pot – Tip Top Everyone and apologies if I have any of this incorrect or missed any one off.  All of which resulted in a massive £200 which was split 50/50 MacMillan Nurses and the 3Smiles charity Baz supports (both sums were duly matched by Vodafone so £400 raised).

 

Chair