Sunday 07^th March 2010 - Winter Cup Round 1

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Dill makes the longest drive……………

Despite the reassurances and suggestions by the rest of the players that we could work out how to get the wallet after the round it played on Dill’s mind and even though he would go out to bat there was already some doubt as to how long he would last.

The pairings were drawn and Bloddie, Baz and Dogleg headed to the first tee to play into a strong wind. Baz would make the best start, although a three putt on the green would prove to be the sign of things to come………..perhaps falling arse over tit on the second tee didn’t help!  In the second group Jeff, Deano, Dill and Barth all struggled early on with no one posting a score on more than one of the first three holes.

Monday 08^th March 2010 - Winter Cup Round 2

(Report by Barry Hughes)

It’s De-ja-Vu at Mannings Heath!

The day began a little bit rushed when after a late night……….and bit of a lay in we realised we had to get the key back to the hotel.  So everyone got sorted ASAP and then we departed to leave Jeff (still in bed) with the key dropping off job! Most of us found this highly amusing – except of course Jeff who had a major strop – this of course made it even funnier!!!

Another great breakfast at the golf club – at this point there was still no sign of Dill – so we ate his breakfast as well!  Then just as we were preparing to get our sticks out and go to battle Dill arrived……………………(unexpectedly after his no show the night before)

.  Jeff and Barth crashed good drives down the middle (a sign that they would not play so poorly again – this would prove to be the case!) however Dill stepped up and everyone waited to see what would happen………….after a few moments to set up Dill took a swoosh at the ball and swatted it straight right into the cack 20 yards in front of him.   After a moment to ponder – Dill promptly shook everyone’s hand, wished us well and decided to go home…………..

Baz was therefore bumped down into the group with Jeff and Barth and joined the boys down the middle of the cut stuff.  With Baz just still in with a chance of winning and having hit his drive to the edge of the green (on a Par 4) he then decided to go all out for the eagle that would get him off to the best start – but two thinned chips and three putts would result in a blob, a fate shared by Jeff and Barth – thankfully things would get better after this!

Behind us Deano, Bloddie and Dogleg also got settled and started there competition for the winter cup – with the winner likely to come from that group.  A solid Par for Bloddie was bettered by Deano who made the best start possible with a birdie three.

Play continued at a steady pace with Jeff, Baz and Barth all hitting the ball well off the tee but struggling to score the big points until they got to the 5^th hole………where they found five groups waiting to play!!!! By this stage Deano was under course par and had all but wiped out Chris’s overnight lead. 

The 5^th hole was a short Par-3 with a postage stamp sized green – Baz pondered for some time on the best way to play this before choosing 9 iron – way left into the trees………..the second time he decided a wedge way left into the trees……..on arrival at the green the first ball was only 6ft from the hole after a great ricochet back into play!!  Deano obviously watched and learnt from this as a few minutes later he was to play the same way.

By the turn a good competition was now going on – for the main prize Deano held a one point lead over Bloddie, with Dogleg a further 3 points back.  Whereas Jeff, Baz and Barth where all very close together with Jeff playing his best golf for some time.

On the back nine Barth decided to show the rest of the group what he is capable of banking 18 points in the last seven holes.  This charge would see three birdies and allow him to take 4^th place overall.

The battle for the lead would see Deano make two significant surges, the first came around the turn where he banked seven points in three holes, he then managed twelve points in the last five holes to really seal the victory and win the Winter Cup.

Congratulations to Deano who has now won the Winter Cup for the third consecutive year, as with last year Deano had to make up a four+ point overnight deficit.

Commiserations to Bloddie who is still hunting his first Major win (having now been runner up six times across all the competitions).

Saturday 1^st May 2010 – London Stableford

(Report by Barry Hughes)

‘Slick Bazzer’ wins as Steve goes to the party!

The first OOM event of the season returned to Silvermere – now firmly entrenched in the Cross Counties calendar.  The weather was a bit iffy (surprisingly for the opening day) and traffic was a bit of an issue but everyone made the clubhouse safely on time. 

As always the pairings were made and the Captain got to hit the first shot of the year.  Just to be different Jeff decided to use a putter for this ceremonious act, a sixty yard twat should not have been a benchmark however ten minutes and five shots later Lard had still not passed Jeff’s ball…………he would thus start with blob.

On the 3^rd hole Si decided a new tactic and would be seen crashing his ball way right – hitting his ball down to where all the driving range balls gather…………he would therefore find about 100 balls……….but not his own!  Having reloaded he would do the same trick with his approach into the third and fourth greens – it would be a slow start for ‘Si’.

With a slightly drizzly day Baz had begun in his wet gear – but with the sun trying to break through on the 4^th he made the decision to move to a dry set up – this trick would be played out a few times in the day!  Despite this Baz had a great start mainly due to his putting – he one putted four of the first five holes getting up and down from all sorts of positions.

On the 6^th tee Baz had a pressure moment – a hole he always dicks up the plan was simple – just hit a five iron down the middle – after much deliberation a perfect strike saw the ball straight down the middle, until it hit the telephone cable across the fairway……..a free reload resulted in a hook straight into the trees…..as per usual!

On the 9^th hole Simon and Jeff were having a discussion about evolution…….(why?) when they heard a woodpecker start to bash holes in the trees.  Lard then began to sing the woodpecker song……………

I put my finger in a woodpecker’s hole

The woodpecker said, cor, bless my soul Turn it round, turn it round Turn it round, revolve it

I put my finger in a woodpecker’s hole

The woodpecker said, cor, bless my soul That’s ya lot, that’s ya lot That’s ya lot, you’ve ‘ad it

This song obviously had a strange effect on both Lard and Si as on the next hole they both crashed their tee shots into the trees (a gift to the woodpeckers?........)- only for both balls to fly out……………….and then drop into the ditch.

Andre was having a good day (and a very accurate day) having hit the hole five times in the first twelve holes he was quietly collecting points – Deano by contrast was having a rare off day – seeming playing shots all day whilst resting against trees, but as usual he was still doing enough to remain competitive.  Dill was also hitting his ball into the trees, but not remaining competitive – carding seven blobs on the back nine.

The last two holes at Silvermere always provide drama and this year was no exception – first Deano had his 9-Iron returned (having left it out on the course) just in time for his tee shot into the Par-3 – alas he would plug in the bunker – a feat copied by Andre.  Stratts elected instead to hit his ball close and thus win nearest Pin.  On the walk between the 17^th and 18^th Si dropped his ball and then elected to kick it to the tee – having given it a bit of a whack he ran after the ball – almost tripping arse over tit on a small tree stump!

Saturday 26^th June 2010 – Berkshire Stableford

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Barth has loads in reserve!

only good part of this hopefully we never have to watch fat Frank in an England shirt again!!!........  sadly this would not prove to be the case!)

Deano’s bad day was caused by an early arrival and then endless hours of putting as he waited for everyone to turn up (when we were all inside drinking tea and coffee (well almost all of us…..).  Jeff, Stratts and Dill got caught in the M4 traffic (we should have guessed at this point Dill would suffer early exit syndrome……)

Despite all of these issues thankfully we just about all got to the tee on time and managed to plan it in such a way that most people got time to relax before taking guard.

Barth started the day like he meant business – great tee shot….fantastic approach……..but then FIVE putts….hmmm an interesting way to open up with blob!

Thankfully for Barth this was a one off as he was to putt for birdie on six of the first seven holes………..in fact the only hole he didn’t putt for birdie he almost holed from the sand! (and thus would start to bank many points to eradicate the madness of the first hole)

On the second hole Stratts threw down a marker to the rest of the players by smashing his ball onto the green in two (on a par 5) whilst Si had a lapse in concentration and dropped into Dill mode – promptly walking past his ball (and not just walking past his ball, but 100 yards past his ball………….!).  It seemed to be one of those days for Si when on the 6^th he found himself behind a tree………..then one shot later found himself even further behind the tree after a backwards special!

The 7^th hole was nearest the pin and Jeff took the spoils hitting his approach to four feet……….but not via the conventional method………so was it a glorious 8-iron, hit high and true………..was it a slightly fat iron that he got away with……….actually it was a hoik out to the left and then a crazy bounce straight right – with the ball running down to the pin………..it has to be said Stratts was not at all happy with this.

On to the 8^th hole, and again Si was at the forefront of the action…..and again he was mimicking Dill – a bit of a squiffy tee shot saw the ball bobble down the right handside……….having walked past his ball before Si was determined not to do this again so he looked for his ball 30 yards behind where we actually found it – it is rumoured that cries of “Are you dilly, are you Dilly, Are you Dilly in disguise” could be heard across the posh Berkshire countryside

On the 9^th hole Deano could be seen from the tee – and Baz remarked “that’s a bad place I don’t fancy his chances from there……………” ten minutes later Baz found himself in the same place with the same shot and was then heard to remark “Yep I was right – this is not a good place to be!”.  Barth took the green on from the tee – this proved to be a great decision and another birdie opportunity would follow as Barth continued to play great stuff and bank points for fun!

On the 10^th tee – all change as Dill decided his game was not in a good place and just for a change he was going to walk in (post match he would send an email to the guys apologising for this and declaring his intent not to do this again………..although Dogleg was very interested to understand the odds being offered on this……...). 

As such Baz and Barth became a 2-ball and then waited on every shot on the back nine………hmmm not sure this was the cleverest of ideas!  It certainly impacted Barth’s game as he made a blob, driving behind a tree, hacking out sideways into a ditch, whacking it behind another tree, a few more whacks followed but the net result Blob!

Friday 23^rd July 2010 – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-1

Meyrick Park - Bournemouth

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Bazzer leads after the Arboreal Challenge!

After a night out Baz, Dog, Jeff and Dill started the day with a full English at the Ludgerhsall cafe………….exactly what was required after the traditional 0430 finish the night BEFORE the weekend begins!………….not to miss out Messers Wray and Clothier joined the merry band (I’m sure just to confuse Zorba who was taking orders…………!!!) finally after swapping many items of their meal the boys were fed and prepared for the journey.

A steady trot to Bournemouth followed and the assumption was all would be on site and present for the captain and team pick……………..well that was the assumption but Lard was AWOL…………….and remained so for quite some time, so a hurried phone call took place to draw lots and pick sides (not wanting to exclude ‘El charimano’).  The skips were Baz and Si (strangely a repeat of the 2008 match in Ayr………….where Baz was victorious…….and also the second consecutive return match after Andre and Dog played in 2007 & 2009).  After picking the teams it was suspected that team Wilts were favourites after landing Baz, Dog and Stratts and with a 3-2 series lead Team Wilts were looking good to open up a two match lead for the first time…………………but we all know what happens to favourites…………

So after everyone arrived……….and we waited the twenty minutes we begun the Cross Counties Cup 2010.  The first hole was a slight worry………..220 yards Par 3 (through a small gap in the trees, with the ladies tee actually behind the mens!!) – well lots of people tried and then tried again with their provisional balls (which for many would become their actual ball in play) but only Dogleg and Baz would prevail hitting the ball on the green.  Baz’s approach was particularly memorable after he addressed the ball he noticed Stratt’s buggy parked front left off the green.  After much shouting and waving Stratt’s reluctantly moved his buggy and Baz nutted his 2-Iron exactly where the buggy had been to hit his ball ten feet from the hole!!!

On the 4^th hole – A hole with a big dogleg left. Lee completely missed this useful information and smashed one of his many drives miles (it has to be said the boy gives the ball a fair whack!!!) straight left………………Lard and Baz looked on open mouthed in astonishment, then met each others gaze and had the same thought…………that’s probably ok………in fact it could be better than ok!!! In fact it was a little unlucky as Lee was green high and a few yards right of the green!  After a steady approach Lee would blow big points by duffing two chips before nailing a 20 footer to save a point.  On the same hole Si decided he would use his putter to chip the ball……………….this was not a good decision…….his ball went nowhere but a big divot (out of the green was achieved) a sheepish looking Si walked to the next tee commenting “it’s a good job we aren’t here for the weekend……………”

In the final group Baz and Lard were having a great day and Lee was hitting the ball miles (although not always in the right direction…………….in fact not often in the right direction!) on the 8^th (Par-3) all three guys stood on the tee trying to establish how far and where to hit it……………………..Lee first – big slice………..bottom of the hill – no shot…………. Lard………..not such a big slice………..bounced to the bottom of the hill – no shot………. then Baz, a bit chunky…………looked as though it was in the cack…. A reload definitely in the cack.  As the boys walked on to the green it was clear there was a bit more room than first thought and Baz’s chunky 4-Iron was sitting front edge of the green…………..(lucky bast**d).  Lee then played a thinned bullet which hit anything and everything on route and finished green side at the bottom of a puddle (leaky sprinkler……probably the only sprinkler working on a brown and dry course!!) an outrageous result of which Lee would take advantage and save a point.  Lard would go one better and save two points after a great recovery kept his great score going.

On the eight hole was long drive and having hit a monster Baz was feeling vey confident……he arrived on the fairway to no obvious markers and smiling to himself put  card on the fairway…………then he found a marker (some 50m yards on – how big a drive was that!!! But it had a strange name on the card………..namely Barth (who was at home preparing for the Marlborough club championship…………….it would later transpire that Dogleg was the player to hit the monster and couldn’t be asked to fill in a new marker – lazy bugga!

On the tenth hole the field finally expected a little bit of comfort and ease (after a really tough opening nine holes……………especially for Si who hit every shot right on a right to left course…………hmmmm not really a captains example) however there was too be no respite on the tenth……SI 18….Dogleg hit one of the best tee shots……but then decided to four putt for blob (not a good strategy!!!!) Baz also came a cropper with his first blob, and Lard not to be outdone also recorded zero points!

On the 12^th Jeff faced a tricky shot so having swigged from his hip flask left it balanced precariously on Dogleg’s bag…………and obviously it fell in and some minutes later (after Dogleg emptied all his clubs the empty hip flask was rescued……….. actually the Jeff, Si and Dogleg group were to empty four hip flasks on the day……………so given the alcohol intake the scoring would prove to be quite good!)

Saturday 24^th July 2010 – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-2

OOM Round-3 – Moors Valley - Bournemouth

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Deano makes it back to the top step!

For the first time in many years the Saturday round of the Cross Counties Cup would also double up as the third round of the Order of Merit (which would therefore allow all players to count their best four scores from five).  Of those not on the CCC jolly only Deano would make the journey to compete – which would mean that Barth would be dropping this round…..which was of course a no-show.

This event was played at Moors Valley after a few chipping competitions (and Stratts bleating on again about his handicap…………..) the boys prepared to bat!  The first hole was an inviting 260 yard Par-4 (SI 18) – tempting many of the boys to get out the big stick and have a go for the green – many tried (in fact Stratts tried twice……….) but only Dogleg would find the green. 

Deano and Dogleg started steadily picking up points on the early holes – Dogleg could have opened up with three birdies (if he’d had a little luck and putted a little better).  On the 4^th hole Jeff, Lard and Si began a conversation about a ball going out of bounds.  The premise of the discussion was…….

if a hole had OOB on the left hand side of the fairway

and a golfer hits a slice (ok a big slice……………………………)

and the ball travels around the world………………

and comes to rest just to the left of the marker posts…………..

is the ball OOB………………

The conversation was continued later that day at dinner but despite only Si showing any real interest…….Jeff still decided a ruling was necessary and declared the ball would be OOB!

Anyway back to the action and the 8^th hole, which was the longest drive hole  – when the final group of Dogleg, Dill, Deano and Baz arrived the long drive marker was still sitting on the tee……….suggesting no one had hit the fairway……….Deano went first and pushed his ball right…………Dogleg went second and hit his ball so far right it almost opened up the OOB conversation again!  Dill went next and hit one of his only fairways of the day.  Baz went last and finally found a long straight clump to take the prize!  This would be the fourth consecutive long drive Baz would win (Order of Merit only) and all three this season – alas this was the highlight of Baz’s day as he was unable to find any form and would drift out of contention for the claret jug!

On the 10^th hole a lot of activity – first the good stuff Deano having been a few points down at the turn responded immediately with a solid birdie.  Baz having sliced his ball way right strolled out onto the adjacent fairway to retrieve his ball – when he was stopped in his tracks by a golfer coming the other way!!!  Obviously put off by Baz’s appearance he addressed his ball, settled down and then with an almighty swoosh delivered a fine air shot……… embarrassed by this he then duffed his next effort – on the floor like a bullet straight into Baz’s ankles……..the ball then ricocheted into a bush…………..he was not a happy boy! 

Not to be outdone, on the tee Jeff kicked his ball at Lard and it hit his ankle.  Due to the power in Jeffs strike Lard let out a whimper (poof!) and kicked the ball away.  Jeff then armed with his driver pretended to hit the ball back, to which Lard challenged “Go on then”.  Jeff accepted the invite and used his driver to putt the ball back and as Lard pretended to kick the ball Andre decided to have a swish at the ball with his driver.    Swish, Thud as Andre's club sweetly struck the ball and the underside of Lards foot.  As expected everyone started pissing themselves laughing.  Jeff then realised his ball had flown into the rough and was now lost, making Andre and Lard piss them self again.

On the 12^th hole Lee hit two super shots and then a chip on the green left him a chance of making a good score.  The ball was within four feet of the hole and his emotions were summed after his stroke with a single word…………Alas it was not “yes” as the ball hit the bottom of the cup but “C**t” as it missed the hole and finished further away!  A trick to be repeated on his very next go!  Also on the 12^th Deano’s group waived the group behind through….(having held them up for several holes) Dill missed this completely and hit his approach towards the green from 120 yards whilst the guys were still putting.  Perhaps he really is blind!!!

On the seventeenth hole Stratts (who had spent most of the day moaning about his handicap started to moan about something else – the fact that he had lost his Castle Combe ball marker……….only to be told that he had already marked used it to mark his ball on the green…….Also on the seventeenth Dill continued to have an in different day (not to bad when he left his driver in the bag………but big trouble every time he got it out……………..so why did he keep getting it out!) on the seventeenth Dill’s approach would indirectly lead to confusion and frustration for Deano.  Having missed the green left Deano decided he would hit his approach putt down to the hole.  As Dean was about to play Baz checked if he wanted Dogleg’s ball marked – to which Dean replied “No, its not in the way”   Famous last words…………to his horror he hit Dogleg’s ball and finished ten feet from the hole.  Having given up looking for Dill’s ball, Dogleg wandered up to the green and had to be advised his ball would need to be replaced.  Deano then holed the ten footer for what he thought was a par………until advised it was a two shot penalty – this really pi**ed him off and he would then do fantastically well to regain his composure to birdie the eighteenth hole (a feat that would see him take the win on countback)

Baz finished his day the way he played most of the round with a thin, smashing his ball through the green, thudding into the protective netting in front of the clubhouse area – where the rest of the boys jeered and laughed at him!!!

After the round the scores were checked (and Stratts moaned about his handicap again) whilst Jeff who again played well, banked his third top three finish of the season and had built a healthy lead up for the final round of the CCC.  With only space for three players in the final group on Sunday a coin toss was required to separate Lard and Baz  – Baz was fortunate to call correctly and take his place alongside Dogleg and Jeff. 

Stratts decided he would require a buggy for the final day – so asked Jeff for the number of the Queens Park

Lard returned to his hotel room to find the maid had kindly stood up his suitcase up………alas he had separated dirty clothes and clean clothes, so they were now all mixed together……….

Baz decided the best cure for his rubbish golf was too go for a long run along the sea-side and prepare himself for a session at whiskey club……..these early nights are rubbish for his golf!!!

After dinner we had the annual quiz – with Team Essex and Team Wilts taking each other on in a truly long, close, competitive and confrontational quiz it all came down to the final bonus round.  Team Wiltshire held a three point lead going into the final round (much to the disgust of Jeff who was very cross that a point had been awarded to Wiltshire for guessing number of countries to have won the world cup………….in fact only Lard seemed to think Jeff was wrong – which made it even funnier!!!).   Anyway after a tense revealing of the answers the final scores were in…………and it was a draw with Essex catching up the three points required……………..so after two and half hours no one won!!

Sunday 25^th July 2010 – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-3

Queen’s Park - Bournemouth

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Jeff gets over the line emphatically………….to complete the hatrick!

So to the final round of the 2010 Cross Counties Cup.  As with last year the final group consisted of Jeff, Baz (by virtue of the toss of a coin) and Dogleg – would the result be the same? (where Jeff caught Dogleg with six holes to play only to fall away to third, or could he hold onto win his first major since 2001, and be the first man to win the Cross Counties Cup three times).

On arrival at the course the guys were all surprised at how quiet the course was……..a nice sunny day in Bournemouth, on a Sunday morning – no bugga about………! As with previous days the course was very dry and burnt but the greens were in great condition.  The first person to take advantage was Dill hitting his approach to eight feet on the second which was the nearest pin hole…………despite confident noises from Baz, Dogleg and Jeff no one could take away the spoils and Dill proved a one eyed bandit was almost as good as as a two eyed bandit…………..(which was the new pseudonym for Stratts……..well it would be by the end of the round!).

On the third hole Lard and Stratts decided to ignore the yardage chart and take their own specific lines……..namely (a) Lard whacking it up the right (between the couple of bunker NB – do not go right due to a couple of bunkers…………..) and (b) Stratts whacking it up the left (NB – do not go left and block out the green……………) in fact the trees Stratts sat between provided the perfect line to the flag………………..it would turn out to be  a great day for Stratts who seemed to be rejuvenated by the extra two shots returned by the committee on day two.

Stratts would prove to have a very successful day off his new handicap and finish the day getting cut, the secret to his success leaving his Driver alone (Lard was particularly pleased to hear this having made the decision to share a buggy!).  So instead of man handling the Lard, Stratts decided instead to give the group

Of the leaders a steady start by all until the fourth hole, when fate stepped in for the first time (and not the last on an interesting day).  First Baz managed to blob from nowhere, Dogleg then made a miss judgement in where to drop is ball (and thus had to blob the hole…………harsh but fair…………) and finally Jeff who (a) whacked his drive in the trees (b) took a drop (c) playing four whacked his balls deep in to a bush (c) stiffed his approach from the forest……………………how did he score a point from there!!!!  On a slightly lighter note Jeff had released all the straps on the buggy of Lard and Stratts………and on the fouth hole, halfway down the fairway Lard’s clubs fell off to the merriment of all…………On the 5^th hole Lard would gain a sort of revenge by picking up Jeff’s clubs and throwing them to the floor…………….sorry Lard funny, but not as funny!

On the sixth hole the boys came to a tough Par 5, 520 yards, however the wind was following and Baz and Dogleg decided the best way to play the hole was smash it!  Both cleared the path hitting 390 yard drives………..Jeff hit a slight slice and having looked ok off the tee he was fortunate to find his ball in a very precarious place.  He would recover to make Par (as did Dogleg, whilst Baz pulled a point back with a solid birdie).

The Cross Counties Cup would then be decided around the turn, where Dogleg suffered a lot of misfortune, hit a lot of dodgy shots and provided an impossible shot……….first to the tee on the eighth hole the lead was now six points and Dogleg needed to do something special………..first Jeff helped by whacking his ball into a bush……….after lots of trouble on the hole he would later have a twenty five foot putt for a point – which stopped on the edge of the hole………..blob for the leader – so Dogleg had a chance to close the gap.  He smashed his second shot over the hill and Baz advised he had seen the ball down and all was ok………..Only when they guys headed over they could not find the ball…………Baz was feeling vey guilty having clearly seen the ball down and Dogleg (chewing a wasp)  headed back up the hill to hit his 4^th shot……………which went to the same place………… Dogleg then found his original ball (after time was called) and proceeded to blob (and get very cross – had he found his second he had a great chance to halve the lead……….).

Onto the ninth and Dogleg was steaming………….sorry STEAMING – Jeff helped his mood by carving his ball way left (not once but twice…………..) Baz got a very lucky break by hitting left and kicking down towards the pin…………Dogleg followed Jeff (which got him cross again) and a fit of club throwing followed with Dogleg threatening to “do a Dilly and walk in” – he was a seriously grumpy dude!!!!  This would get worse when Jeff somehow found his first ball and saved a point whilst he blobbed…………and extended the lead.

On to the tenth and all three players hit solid tee shots but Dogleg (still STEAMING)………… chased his approach and whacked it OOB……………or so we thought…….however on inspection the ball was in play….but behind a fence – Dog had no shot unless he could go over the fence and then stop it dead.  Alas he thinned it but fate smiled on Dog and the ball managed to find the perfect pace and line to go through the fence (those playing with him would ask how???) despite only saving a point this would bring a smile back to Dogleg’s face and he would stop glaring at Baz…………..for a while anyway.