Sunday 08^th March 2009 - Winter Cup Round 1

(Report by Barry Hughes)

It’s De-ja-Vu at the Old Course Dale Hill!

The season kicked off with the now ‘open’ Winter Cup, with qualification now abandoned the new format (returning to Stableford after the Medal competition last year) would see Andree,

The opening nine holes on the old course proved to be more of a challenge than expected – Baz, Bloddie and Deano managed to keep enough form to post an ‘ok’ haul of 13 points but it was Andre who led the field with 14 points (after a great start which saw 13 points in the first seven holes). 

The back nine saw a slight improvement from most of the field although Jeff’s woeful form continued from where he left off in season 2008 as he posted a disappointing 17 points.  His back nine summed up his crazy play with a sequence of five blobs and four pars! (with out making two blobs in a row!) – in all Jeff managed ten blobs in the round so 17 points was probably a great return for the eight holes he played!

Baz managed to improve on the back nine scoring 19 points to post the clubhouse lead on 32 (helped by four pars in the last six holes).  Deano was nicely in touch four points back as the positions from season 2008 (on the same course) were replicated (although Baz had a slightly bigger lead this time around).  After a steady day the final foursome would include Bloddie and holding on to fourth place was Andre (making his first appearance in the final four-ball since the Cross Counties Cup in Gloucester - 2002).

After Round-1

Baz               32 points

Deano          28 Points

Chris             25 points

Andre            23 points

Dill                20 points

Lee               18 points

Jeff               17 points

Before the day was out an interesting game of poker followed – with a couple of key highlights:

(a) Deano having an all-in strategy regardless of who’s turn it was and the lack of any decent cards

(b) Baz not quite getting the rules right!

Mind you at least having real chips prevented Dill doubling his stack! (although he was seen trying to break them in half!)

Saturday 9^th May 2009 – London Stableford

(Report by Jeff Hughes)

Peng devours two breakfasts as he joins squadron 617

Well the 2009 Cross Counties Season kicked off and as usual it was good to catch up with everyone and it was no surprise when Peng (to my knowledge) devoured what I believe was two breakfasts, although no doubt Peng will say it was breakfast and brunch

One major surprise this year was that the first event of the year was not accompanied by the usual poor cold wet weather.

Anyway down to business and the groups for the day where

Jeff, Lard, Andre

Bazzer, Dog leg, Dilly

“Si”, Bloddie, Peng

Lard had decided for the first few holes that he was going to demonstrate how accurate he had becomae off

This was going to be the day that Jeff would play his best golf, combined with looking cool; however the cool card was lost on the 1^st when attempting to pick up Lards ball with a flick of his putter, he proceeded to miss catching the ball as he knocked into his cap and dropped the ball.   Not to be detoured he tried again but really should have left the ball where it was as another failed attempt albeit a clean pick up as before was then fumbled again into a bunker.  Sack the juggler!  However it was safe to say that Jeff was playing some half decent golf as he negotiated the first 6 difficult holes with a tidy score.

Dilly was having one of those days where off the tee he was hitting fairways, his putting was solid but the important stuff in between well let’s just say that it was reported that it was not pretty.  He was also reprimanded by the snack bar owner for smacking the ball down the 7th when the bell had not been rung. Ok……….Lard, Andre and Jeff, where in a part of the golf course that was not even on the map but rules are rules, especially when there was a clear sign next to the tee that stated “Do not play until you hear the bell”.  I know that Dilly has difficulty seeing where his golf ball goes but a 3 foot sign in front of the tee………come on Dill.

The 8^th hole was designated for the longest drive contest and Jeff decided that he would hit a screamer straight down the middle, however no-one in the group thought to mark it, so  the money went to dogleg!

During the early part of the round, things where not going to plan for Dogleg  and when he found himself in a fairway bunker on the Par 5 11^th he announced that the way his luck was he'd move the ball too well, hit the tree and drop in to the water hazard...................Low and behold  he did exactly what he said! All very funny, but he was to recover his round and made a sprint for the line, getting up and down in the last 4 holes from the bunker or rough.  This was to prove more than good enough to give him the first win of the season.

Saturday 13^th June 2009  – Surrey Stableford

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Lightning strikes twice at Hurtmore!

The boys descended on Hurtmore ready to do battle and for the second year running we were treated to sunshine on the Costa del Hurtmore.  There had been lots of communication in the days preceding the event on the suitability of the course after the serious cutting from the year before…………….however after consulting many of the players due to attend it was decided to play the course to give all the players in the field a good chance to play and score well!

Before the round Jeff settled in to practise his chipping on the practise area……….as he was about to play he was advised by a well meaning soul that it was not good etiquette to hit balls onto the 18^th green whilst people were playing……Jeff set off to find the real practise area

So play began and Baz got off to a flyer managing to par the first two holes and set a good early pace – and after a real battle on the 3^rd with bunkers rough and trees he kept his start going with a 20 foot putt to save a bogey.

On the second tee the tone for the day (as in slow play……….) was set when Jeff, Dill and Dogleg arrived to find the four-ball in front still waiting – after what seemed like an eternity the last player turned (slowly) and remarked  “I hope you boys aren’t in a hurry today…………..we are not in a rush!”.  To show how Jeff is mellowing he paused took this information on board and didn’t reply with a series of “f-words” (at least not out loud anyway!)…………..but we all know what he was thinking!

On the 4^th hole Dogleg, Jeff and Dilly (already getting tired of waiting to play) tried to hit a golf ball through a hole in the safety netting.....Jeff and Dilly hit the rim but Dog leg managed to put his ball through the hole.  Then when the real stuff started Dilly promptly hit his ball straight over the top of the netting…………..

On the 8^th hole (245 yard par 4) Dill hit his second shot into the bunker – as he was about to play his third shot Dill asked Dog leg to move.  As such Dogleg moved to stand behind the flag saying “Dill won't hit me here”, well low and behold four bunker shots later as he moved sideways (note not forward, including two air shots where the club went right under the ball!) Dill gave up and Dogleg was proved right.  This hole was was the first mistake Baz made of the day smacking a big slice off the tee into the cack – Baz reloaded and hit his ‘third’ to four feet and was very tempted to declare the first ball lost!!! However Jeff took this option away by congratulating him on his provisional ball and pointing out where his first ball was buried in the grass..

On the 9^th tee a moment of history - Dogleg skied his tee shot and the only person to see it was Tony Dill and to complete the irony the ball was 50 yards further than most people thought it would be and it was where Tony Dill was looking.  Jeff also had some fun on this hole as his putt rammed into the left edge of the hole………….after a 720 degree loop it dropped in.

On the 12^th Baz found another slice off the tee and finished up on one of the adjacent tees…………too which Si remarked “can you play off the tee”  - a question we all ask each other from time to time. 

On the 14^th hole the big cocks of Dilly and Dogleg went for the green with their tee shot – and both fell short.  However Dill did manage to hit his approach shot onto the green to two feet.  On being advised it was a two shot hole and he would be putting for a net one and thus need to buy drinks………….Dill decided to miss.  This trick was repeated by Lard (after the same comment ref a net one buying the beers – although in fairness Andre offered to share the cost if Lard was able to make the putt and score 5 points) as with Dill Lard missed the putt but just for good measure missed the one back as well..........

any stage) Jeff began lofting shots to Dogleg.  This game resumed on the 17th with Jeff catching Dogleg’s chips.  Jeff has a quite word with Dilly and asked for a high catch.  Dogleg obliged (but must surely have fallen out of the numpty tree) as Jeff casually moved out of the way – as the ball flew past him and bounded down the fairway so Dogleg had to go and retrieve his ball.

On the 18^th hole Baz needed a bogey to set a new society record of forty six Stableford points and after a great drive left himself just 60 yards from the green, and with four more shots to post the 2 points required – his approach was alas a little long, finishing in the decorative flower beds…………after a thinned chip across the green into the bunker and a heavy contact in the sand a scrambled double bogey saw the record equaled – much to the delight of Jeff. 

The 18^th hole also saw a return to form for Lard as he managed his best ever medal score (of 100) and 34 points – it could have been so much more after blobs on sixteen and seventeen……………..so near yet so far.  Andre also managed 37 points again – he obviously likes getting cut around here!

Friday 24^th July 2009 – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-1

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Dill finds the bush but Andre shafts it!

With a reduced turnout (due to a variety of reasons) the boys descended on a more local venue than usual – Selsdon Park to contest the Cross Counties Cup.  Attendees present on the first day were Baz, Jeff, Dill, Dogleg, Si and Andre (with Lard and Lee joining for the evening and a few other guys attending over the weekend).

The Captains for the team event were drawn, Andre got to lead the mighty team Essex (including Baz, Dill and Lard) whilst Dogleg Morris got to skipper Team Wiltshire (including Lee, Si and Jeff) – the pairings for the first round of the CCC would thus allow the boys to go out as teams!

The first hole a long Par-5 saw many people score solid numbers and get away to a good start – which was great given the second hole, would be stroke index-1 and played into a gentle downpour………This allowed Jeff and Si to find out that their brollies were buggered and thus no use to the conditions that would follow!

On the third hole Si began to ponder as to whether it was possible to purchase a club in a half size………(eg: 4.5 and 5.5 irons….) after much ridicule from his playing partners the conversation moved onto cocks in half sizes and more ridicule! Dogleg however could have done with a 9.5 iron as he whacked his tee shot 30 yards long at the Par-3

Saturday 25^th July 2009 – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-2

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Its Cold, its Wet and I’m not playing like that again!

So onto Day two – as there was no big drinking session the night before it was slightly worrying that Dogleg was out in front (perhaps a whiskey club session was needed before the final days play to ensure Dogleg had no kip!)

The pairings were made and day two would see the following groupings:

Group-1

Dogleg, Andre, Si, Bloddie (on day release)

Group-2

Baz, Jeff, Dill, Lard

Andre had one of those days…………after making the final group at the Winter cup in March, and having been second at Hurtmore in May…………..he probably expected to do better than the three points he managed at the turn……….(yep that’s right three points……………) in fact Andre was to achieve a rare feat in this round.  First he doubled his points tally on the 6^th hole (moving from 1 to 2 points).........then again on the eleventh hole (moving from 3 to 6 points)! Needless to say he would go on and lose his Matchplay singles by the thumping margin of 9&8 (not for the first time)

So to the action – and first the leader Dogleg Morris! After a steady start and a great drive down the 4^th hole, Dogleg was to find a shank and thus a blob from nowhere.  After the weather on day one and Andre’s rare feat above, Dogleg proved lightning can indeed strike twice by repeating the big drive blob down the next hole as well.

Baz and Jeff were keeping a watchful eye on the events behind and inspired by Dogleg’s inconsistency they both hit huge drives down the 7^th hole leaving nothing more than a 50 yard flick into the green.  Alas both were to three putt  - which was fast becoming a theme for Jeff’s day and a chance to close the gap disappeared. 

Sunday 26^th July 2009 – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-3

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Dogleg falls over the line!

After the rain on Friday, and the sun on Saturday we were now greeted by the wind on Sunday and with the greens having not been cut and the pins not moved (for three days) the course would prove to be a tougher beast on the final day – with putting even more of a challenge than previously.

Of the front runners Dogleg and Jeff both started poorly managing only three points in the first three holes – which would ensure the lead stayed at five points – Baz faired much worse and his return of one point in the opening three holes would drop him eight points back and out of the running.  Si had the best return and would continue to play steady throughout the front nine.

A par on the 4^th would give Baz a much needed boost – however this would prove to be short lived after a hug drive on five (long way – wrong direction) he would make another blob and drop to nine points back.

In all the final group were all taking turns in hitting great big monsters into the trees and were holding the course up (having attempted to wave the group behind through on three occasions by the 7^th tee).  On the 7^th the embarrassment was complete when all four guys again whacked their tee shots into the trees…………….after a quick glance around a deal was struck – no provisional balls would be hit and everyone would take their chances looking for their ball.  First person to smile was Si who came across his ball.  Jeff also got lucky – continuing his form of the day before (hit it in the trees…………deep and find it!).  The only person not to find his ball was Dogleg – and this was lead to his second blob in a row (and what would be three in a four hole stretch up to the turn).

With Dogleg’s mishaps – Jeff was able to close the gap and at the turn they were level – with Baz the only other player still in with a chance five points back.  On the 10^th hole the match took a twist when Dogleg hit another wayward tee-shot OOB and Jeff smacked a monster down the middle.  With Dogleg reloading Jeff had the chance to go ahead and with only a 7-iron into the par-5 looked set to take a healthy lead.  However his approach only found the front bunker and from there he would hit it through the back of the green.  A crap lie and a few duff chips later Jeff would score blob and an unlikely second ball par from Dogleg would see him remain in front – Baz made it a three horse race with a four point haul making a birdie and Si chipped in with three points of his own.

As with the front nine the next few holes saw all the guys have a mix of blobs, pars and bogeys – with Dogleg making the best of the scoring and Jeff unfortunately having his bad spell in the round.  Baz managed to keep in touch with a run of three pars from 14^th-16^th holes but with Dogleg also finding two pars the lead remained steady.  Baz was able to take a small slice out of the lead on the 17^th but a putt of ten feet would slip past the edge and prevent him applying any real pressure.

The final hole would see Dogleg hold a three point lead – and with no shots for anyone but Si it would need a birdie from Baz (and a blob from Dogleg) to see the match extended down extra holes.  In keeping with the tone of the day both Baz and Dogleg made a mess of their tee shot (finding more trees!) and after a few more attempts it was not possible to score the points required to change the order.  Dogleg would recover to make a bogey and extend his lead to four points after Baz and Jeff both made a blob.

In the group ahead Andre was recovering from his poor day Saturday to score 16 points and earn a consolation point in the team competition.  Lard was also having a better day as he and Peng contested a close match – Lard would ultimately lose on the 17^th green by the score of 2&1 – as with Si on the previous day Lard had his chance to extend the match but was unable to grab his opportunity

In the final analysis Jeff would only record x3 blobs in the final round – but too many three putts would cost him as Dogleg held on to win the Cross Counties Cup for the first time since Norfolk 2003.  Baz was able to steal second place with a solid back-nine and thus record his second Runner-Up of the season (following on from the Winter Cup in March).  Si recorded his best finish to a Cross Counties Cup with a creditable fourth place and Andre’s back nine on the final day would see him pip Lard for 5^th place.

The team event was won by Team Wiltshire with the resounding score of 7-3 (the biggest winning margin for many a moon) and after a day of missed greens the Chairman’s charity was left with a roll over pot of £41.

Saturday 5^th September 2009 – Chairman’s Day

Jeff throws up before the beer!

(Report by Dave Abbott)

And so to the spiritual home of the Cross Counties golf society, Hainault Upper!

As ever, or so it seems, the weather was glorious and the sun shone down on the righteous. Fortunately we were all near someone righteous and managed to bathe in the warming rays.  Course was in reasonable nick I thought, some of the bunkers actually had sand in them……………er so someone told me.

The plan was Hughes Major was to meet me and we go for brekkie in a kaf round the corner afore heading to the course.  Well best laid plans etc.  Jeff chucking a mug of tea all over the base of a small tree in the street (having first drunk it I add) suggested all was not tickety-boo and he did really well to drag himself round the course.  Good to see young Barth (sorry to mention the word Barth so soon after the above) back at the helm, as well.  A few late arrivals but we all got away and game on.

Having played the first ok and the second well alright that was about it for me and apart from a half decent tee shot on the 5th I did not manage to get one other tee shot away without drama. Particularly highlighted by the tee shot on the third. Having had the mighty swoosh to see the ball only topple off the tee an even mightier swoosh sent it about 3 yards into a tree.  Meanwhile Baz, Dill and Si playing the second tried their best to avoid the short green stuff around the hole.  Simon plopped his tee shot into the bunker right of the green only to play out of it so well that his second went further up the third fairway that my second on the third (still with me? See above)- that's dedication. From the final scores it was apparent that even though he hit a pitch to an inch on the 7th,  Simon was heading for a day even worse than mine - that's even more dedication!

The round continued with one or two nearby concerts (couldn't tell which), that blared out across the Essex countryside. As the round progressed and it got later there was a distinct leaning toward the more punk/goth/emo end methinks and maybe I'm getting old but crikey some of it was crap!

Any way I digress; rumours of Baz putting in a decent round started to surface eg "Baz hits a 4 iron 215 yards to 10ft on the 6th". Going by his own comment on the first it appears he didn't quite believe it himself managing to make the ball do unbelievable things in the air. "Baz declaring not possible to hit the green as could only see left edge due to trees....Baz hits ball through tree (by accident) and misses green right edge.........And then he tries his best to cock up "14th - Baz thinks he hits the wrong ball....phew he gets away with it" (He hasn't with me in the past!). But even though he, along with his stout troupe, played the 15th 'backwards and forwards on the short par 3 for a blob', he holds his own (ooer) to be triumphant on the day - well played sir. 

 Meanwhile Si is finding out about the sand with;

"6th Si leaves it in the sand x4 times and then on the shot for blob, gets great backspin........."

And

"13th Si in bunker - leaves it in gets cross and whacks it - almost takes his head off as it ricochets back at him"

And Dills is also racking up a less than convincing score with;

"4th - Dill rattling around the trees - most of the hole"

And

"12th - Dill looks for his ball on the right hand tree line (after being told by Baz) Si tells everyone its actually left hand side...we never found the ball!

Albeit that some kudos was restored when he blatted a 350 yard (Dill) monster tee shot on the 18th, methinks too little too late (mind you I would have taken it!).

Back with myself, Barth and Jeff. Well Jeff was heading for mid table anonymity but happy to get round without throwing up (er as were we) and could be found between shots splayed out on the grass.  Barth meanwhile also failed to set the world alight but it was good to have him back in harness, even when he barks at the two ball in front on the ninth for not raking over the bunker. He was quite right I add but it took me a little by surprise.

As for the other group, well they all played well to fill in 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 6th (Bloddy slipping up to mess the up the run). Andre stormed home (as I crumbled further) to beat me by 5 in the Chairman’s Plate. I'd like to say I was thinking about the extra revenue generated as a result but sadly I can't. No funnies from them so I can only surmise they were concentrating so much on their respective matchplays in which Andre beat Peng and Dogleg beat Bloddie, that they didn't manage any calamities - I can't believe that.

The matchplay progresses but I have to impart an addendum: The line up for the Numpty Cup Matchplay has me lined up against the mighty Barth with Jeff waiting for the winner in the final. Jeff gives me a call to see if I can make a date in November saying we will play two rounds over the weekend. The first so I can play Barth and the second so Jeff can play Barth in the final.  Needless to say that despite the bookies odds and what history suggests it was a little presumptive of Jeff and I accordingly told him so.  I could not let that pass now could I.  Time will tell whether his presumption proves to be prophetic or pathetic!

Saturday 3^rd October 2009 – Captain’s Day

Defeat snatched from the brink of victory!

(Report by Barry Hughes)

As with all Captain’s day activity we were required to rock up at a splendid course as chosen by our illustrious captain “the gay blade…………” would it be as tough a test as the London Hatfield?……or as grand as the SHIRE? (remember the little man outside cleaning clubs for a fiver – Dogleg’s have never been the same with clean grips perhaps now we should call his snap hook!!)…………but the answer to the question was a resounding NO! – its was as skanky as Donnington valley (I cant believe Barth took us there!!!

On the second hole a short par 5 with OOB all up the right hand side – Baz decided it was too big a risk to try and carry the corner……….and then did any way (lucky bast***d) – Dill tried not to and smacked it OOB………it would be one of those days for the Dill monster.  Peng of course creamed a huge drive – turned the corner and was to have his usual putt for birdie on a Par 5.

By the 9^th hole an interesting battle was taking place…….for second place – with Peng already five points clear of the field and absolutely flying – Baz was a point  clear of Barth with Dogleg a further two points back (thankfully a little pre-occupied in his matchplay Semi Final versus Andre).  At this point in time all was going great for Baz as Dogleg had to win in order to have any chance of taking the OOM title….with Baz needing no worse than third to guarantee the title…..however there were four players still in the hunt (just!) so an air of caution was still required.

On the back nine Dogleg woke up and started to close the gap on Baz and Barth – which caused a little bit of panic but with Peng so far clear surely there was going to be no late drama……….and then we played the 12^th!!!  This was a short par 300 odd yards however the tee was set back in what can only be described as a cricket net…..first to play was Peng – as he nutted a great drive – straight into the roof of the net – Strike 1, next up Baz…..who did the same – Barth spoilt the fun with a great tee shot – but Peng reloaded and hit another great shot – same place roof of the net – Strike 2! Finally on the 3^rd attempt he got it away – but not that well…….. but he would scramble a bogey.  Baz however managed to blob muttering about how he had been forced to take a different club than he wanted…….and still blob………

By the fourteenth hole all matters appeared to be settled – Dogleg had just closed his match out with Andre 5&4 (after a late charge by skip), Simon was continuing his steady form, Jeff was continuing his crap form! And Peng lead Baz by seven points – Peng would have his maiden win Baz would take the OOM title…………..and then it all changed………….

On the fifteenth hole (after a run of par/birdie by Barth) he would blob….as would Peng, but Baz made par and bagged the longest drive…………the lead would now be four points with three holes to play.

Saturday 17^th April 2010 – Matchplay Final 

Deano wears his putting boots!

(Report by Barry Hughes)

Another season over…………a new one just begun (note: Mr Lennon contacted me from the grave and asked to write exclusively for us – had to turn him down but did agree to tweak his lyrics to fit our story…………!) Anyway why is that relevant? Well season 2010 is upon us and still we had a match from 2009 to clear up – Dogeleg and Deano had an appointment at high noon(ish) to find out who would be the Matchplay king.  So we strolled onto the Silvermere prairie for a duel in the sun…………….

Having won the final last year – also against Dogleg, Deano started favourite and having made his

Both guys made a mess of the second and third holes – both managing to win one of these (Dean getting up and down again on the 3^rd) – so onto the 4^th hole and another up and down saved a half to see Dean stay 1 ahead.

The match stayed quite even (although Deano had moved 2up) until the first key moment – 8^th green – Dogleg was 10ft away – and likely to have x3 putts to win the hole – however Deano got up and down again – leaving Dogleg two putts to claw back a hole – it was not to be as he 3 putted and the lead stayed at 2up.  This would become three up on the 11^th as Dogleg lost his ball from the tee.  These two holes were critical as they were both holes in which Dogleg (or is that snaphook?) received a shot.

Dogleg came back at Deano again but was never able to close the gap to less than two – every time the match returned to 2up – Dean would win the next hole.  The final act really was played out on the thirteenth hole – having got back to 2 down again Dogleg was 12ft from the hole, with Deano in the bunker – Dean splashed out to 20ft – made the putt leaving Dogleg his for the half…..and he missed to go 3 down again.  This was Deano’s 9^th up and down in the first 13 holes (we did check to see if it was Bloddie in a prophetic mask…………….)

Dean went on to close the match out on the 15^th green with his tenth one putt of the day to record a 4&3 victory