A word from you Captain……………its Janet!
So before we read all the action and remind ourselves of the 2009 season, let me welcome you all to the 2010 golf season and do you know as a small social society we have now been playing together since 2000, which was when we made our first trip to bonnie Scotland. Strangely enough we have been allowed back over
This year we see ourselves going to
Well guys 10 years plus is a pretty good effort and I have enjoyed many a long stroll on a weekend afternoon with you guys looking for Dilly’s golf ball and to be honest I would miss it if we stopped meeting up. Why do you ask? We know most of the time Barth will probably win the match play, Deano the order of merit and I will most probably get to the final of the Plate. I still think we should rename this tournament in memory of this achievement, how does the “Janet” Plate sound.
So what can we expect from this year, who will win the trophies, but more important what events will occur that will make us chuckle when we look back.
Well “Si” has brought us "le chuck" on a CC weekend, so bad in fact that he has gone colour blind playing not only the wrong ball but the wrong colour, has had a fetish for drawing donkeys on hotel walls and has had memory issues by turning up at Bazzer’s house early on a Sunday morning, only to find that the very happy soul to open the door was not Bazzer as he had moved the previous year. Oh and should I mention the vase incident in
Niall, who is unfortunately no longer playing golf but I could not mention the angry spinning top on the short par three 16th at Birchwood who went Berserk attacking nettles and bushes next to the tee after what was definitely a “cock out” shot, and it would be rude not to mention in the same sentence as Barth, “Wooten Bassett”. We can thank god that story has never fully been told as it could never be as funny as the incident when “Barth Upset Norfolk Broads”.
Who can forget Lard proving that he is without doubt the calmest man in the society as demonstrated in
Finally I think Bazzer deserves a special mention as if it was not for his hard work, imagination in thinking of tournaments that I just cant win and the production of these yearly memoirs we would not be reliving some of the funnies that still make me chuckle today
Hughes Major
Janet
Sunday 08th March 2009 - Winter Cup Round 1
(Report by Barry Hughes)
It’s De-ja-Vu at the Old Course Dale Hill!
The season kicked off with the now ‘open’ Winter Cup, with qualification now abandoned the new format (returning to Stableford after the Medal competition last year) would see Andree,
Lee and Dill make their debut in the season opener. Andre’s appearance was especially good news for Baz after the mishaps of a car break down the night before……Deano started favourite with the non attendance of Barth and Dogleg but the likes of Jeff and Bloddie would ensure a competitive event.
The opening nine holes on the old course proved to be more of a challenge than expected – Baz, Bloddie and Deano managed to keep enough form to post an ‘ok’ haul of 13 points but it was Andre who led the field with 14 points (after a great start which saw 13 points in the first seven holes).
The back nine saw a slight improvement from most of the field although Jeff’s woeful form continued from where he left off in season 2008 as he posted a disappointing 17 points. His back nine summed up his crazy play with a sequence of five blobs and four pars! (with out making two blobs in a row!) – in all Jeff managed ten blobs in the round so 17 points was probably a great return for the eight holes he played!
Baz managed to improve on the back nine scoring 19 points to post the clubhouse lead on 32 (helped by four pars in the last six holes). Deano was nicely in touch four points back as the positions from season 2008 (on the same course) were replicated (although Baz had a slightly bigger lead this time around). After a steady day the final foursome would include Bloddie and holding on to fourth place was Andre (making his first appearance in the final four-ball since the Cross Counties Cup in
After Round-1
Baz 32 points
Deano 28 Points
Chris 25 points
Andre 23 points
Dill 20 points
Lee 18 points
Jeff 17 points
Before the day was out an interesting game of poker followed – with a couple of key highlights:
(a) Deano having an all-in strategy regardless of who’s turn it was and the lack of any decent cards
(b) Baz not quite getting the rules right!
Mind you at least having real chips prevented Dill doubling his stack! (although he was seen trying to break them in half!)
Monday 9th March 2009 - Winter Cup Round 2
(Report by Barry Hughes)
Baz grabs defeat from the jaws of victory!
After a scrappy first hole Baz was able to steady the ship and increase his lead over the field with back to back pars on the second & third holes. Bloddie also made a good start and after six holes the top three were beginning to close up – all however was about to change on the next three holes. Bloddie who had worked so hard to get back into contention had a disastrous return of only two points in the next three holes – Dean faired only slightly better with three points – where as Baz managed to score six points and increase his lead over the field.
The tenth hole is a 150 yard par-3 played between a gap in the trees – having extended his lead at the turn to five points on Deano – Baz pitched his seven iron approach to the front edge of the green. Dean also missed the green and would ultimately make a four. From the front edge Baz chipped his 9-Iron into the hole for a birdie two and what looked like an unassailable 7 point lead with only eight holes to go.
At this point both players fell off their game and over the next three holes managed only six points between them – however the four points accrued by Deano saw the lead cut back to five points with five holes to play.
Baz continued to struggle and returned a scoring sequence of one point a hole, where-as Deano obviously sensing that Baz was tightening up started to find his game. A closing sequence of four pars in the final five holes would prove to be the difference between the players (especially when Baz blobbed the final two holes) – and an unlikely come from behind win was recorded.
Results Rnd-1 Rnd-2 Total
Deano 28 31 59
Baz 32 24 56
Dill 20 30 50
Chris 25 24 49
Andre 23 23 46
Jeff 17 22 39
Lee 18 19 37
Well done Deano who retains the cup – commiserations to Baz who has now been Runner-Up in this competition three times in the last four years!.
Dill had a good day to post 30 points (including 15 points in the last six holes) to pip Bloddie for third place. Whilst Jeff did just enough to climb off the bottom and condemn Lee to the wooden spoon…………..although after sixteen blobs across the two days it looks as though Jeff would also like to be called ‘Spare’
Saturday 9th May 2009 –
(Report by Jeff Hughes)
Peng devours two breakfasts as he joins squadron 617
Well the 2009 Cross Counties Season kicked off and as usual it was good to catch up with everyone and it was no surprise when Peng (to my knowledge) devoured what I believe was two breakfasts, although no doubt Peng will say it was breakfast and brunch
One major surprise this year was that the first event of the year was not accompanied by the usual poor cold wet weather.
Anyway down to business and the groups for the day where
Jeff, Lard, Andre
Bazzer, Dog leg, Dilly
“Si”, Bloddie, Peng
Lard had decided for the first few holes that he was going to demonstrate how accurate he had becomae off
of the tee, he did this by ignoring the 100 yard wide fairways and set about aiming for the much smaller wooded areas. The down side to this demonstration of accuracy was a couple of fruitless searches for his ball before declaring it lost, only then to find immediately by almost treading on it. It seemed that this was the order of the day as next hole Andre did exactly the same thing. So best to call the ball lost then creep up on it, or alternatively play the game like a coward and aim for the short green stuff with the simpler second shots. Bazzer also tried similar tactics on the first four holes by whacking the ball as hard as he could into the trees but only to get lucky for him the ball come back out on the fairway………………lucky bugga!
This was going to be the day that Jeff would play his best golf, combined with looking cool; however the cool card was lost on the 1st when attempting to pick up Lards ball with a flick of his putter, he proceeded to miss catching the ball as he knocked into his cap and dropped the ball. Not to be detoured he tried again but really should have left the ball where it was as another failed attempt albeit a clean pick up as before was then fumbled again into a bunker. Sack the juggler! However it was safe to say that Jeff was playing some half decent golf as he negotiated the first 6 difficult holes with a tidy score.
Dilly was having one of those days where off the tee he was hitting fairways, his putting was solid but the important stuff in between well let’s just say that it was reported that it was not pretty. He was also reprimanded by the snack bar owner for smacking the ball down the 7th when the bell had not been rung. Ok……….Lard, Andre and Jeff, where in a part of the golf course that was not even on the map but rules are rules, especially when there was a clear sign next to the tee that stated “Do not play until you hear the bell”. I know that Dilly has difficulty seeing where his golf ball goes but a 3 foot sign in front of the tee………come on Dill.
The 8th hole was designated for the longest drive contest and Jeff decided that he would hit a screamer straight down the middle, however no-one in the group thought to mark it, so the money went to dogleg!
During the early part of the round, things where not going to plan for Dogleg and when he found himself in a fairway bunker on the Par 5 11th he announced that the way his luck was he'd move the ball too well, hit the tree and drop in to the water hazard...................Low and behold he did exactly what he said! All very funny, but he was to recover his round and made a sprint for the line, getting up and down in the last 4 holes from the bunker or rough. This was to prove more than good enough to give him the first win of the season.
The Par 5, 13th has a well positioned lake in the middle of the fairway, which of course lets the bigger hitters all feel a slap with the big boy will see it sail over the pond, giving themselves a chance of hitting the green in two. Bazzer goes and hits a monster of a shot straight down the middle over the pond and some, however on walking up the fairway he finds no sign of his ball……………what a waste of a good drive
Whilst the first group sauntered down the 14th fairway Andre dropped a pearl of information into the conversation, as he told Lard and Jeff that back in the seventies his mum held the world record for buddy breathing. Lard and Jeff just had to look at each other and shake their heads as the conversation to that point did not lead to this declaration and it’s just not the sort of thing you hear every day.
Anyway back to the golf, well sort off. The 17th, as always seemed to be the downfall to a few of us with Lard and Andre taking 4 balls each to get across and Peng cleverly re-enacting Operation Chastise with a spectacular Barnes Wallis approach across the water, but alas unlike the RAF squadron 617 who succeeded in breaching the Möhne and Eder dams, Peng’s ball fell short of its target. The reload landed softly on the green and was dually applauded by Baz.
Finally golf is a game where the rules can really hurt you, but on occasions as Dilly can testify on the 18th the rules sometime play to your favor. Dilly carved his tee shot almost at right angles into the lake and cleverly used the rules and his local knowledge to good effect, as he promptly walked 180 yards down the fairway to the dropping zone and then proceeded to put his ball on the green. Nice one Dilly……………..but not completely convinced this was the correct application………………………
Anyway the results of the day where
1st Dave Morris 30
2nd
3rd Jeff Hughes 26
Saturday 13th June 2009 –
(Report by Barry Hughes)
Lightning strikes twice at Hurtmore!
The boys descended on Hurtmore ready to do battle and for the second year running we were treated to sunshine on the Costa del Hurtmore. There had been lots of communication in the days preceding the event on the suitability of the course after the serious cutting from the year before…………….however after consulting many of the players due to attend it was decided to play the course to give all the players in the field a good chance to play and score well!
Before the round Jeff settled in to practise his chipping on the practise area……….as he was about to play he was advised by a well meaning soul that it was not good etiquette to hit balls onto the 18th green whilst people were playing……Jeff set off to find the real practise area
So play began and Baz got off to a flyer managing to par the first two holes and set a good early pace – and after a real battle on the 3rd with bunkers rough and trees he kept his start going with a 20 foot putt to save a bogey.
On the second tee the tone for the day (as in slow play……….) was set when Jeff, Dill and Dogleg arrived to find the four-ball in front still waiting – after what seemed like an eternity the last player turned (slowly) and remarked “I hope you boys aren’t in a hurry today…………..we are not in a rush!”. To show how Jeff is mellowing he paused took this information on board and didn’t reply with a series of “f-words” (at least not out loud anyway!)…………..but we all know what he was thinking!
On the 4th hole Dogleg, Jeff and Dilly (already getting tired of waiting to play) tried to hit a golf ball through a hole in the safety netting.....Jeff and Dilly hit the rim but Dog leg managed to put his ball through the hole. Then when the real stuff started Dilly promptly hit his ball straight over the top of the netting…………..
On the 8th hole (245 yard par 4) Dill hit his second shot into the bunker – as he was about to play his third shot Dill asked Dog leg to move. As such Dogleg moved to stand behind the flag saying “Dill won't hit me here”, well low and behold four bunker shots later as he moved sideways (note not forward, including two air shots where the club went right under the ball!) Dill gave up and Dogleg was proved right. This hole was was the first mistake Baz made of the day smacking a big slice off the tee into the cack – Baz reloaded and hit his ‘third’ to four feet and was very tempted to declare the first ball lost!!! However Jeff took this option away by congratulating him on his provisional ball and pointing out where his first ball was buried in the grass..
On the 9th tee a moment of history - Dogleg skied his tee shot and the only person to see it was Tony Dill and to complete the irony the ball was 50 yards further than most people thought it would be and it was where Tony Dill was looking. Jeff also had some fun on this hole as his putt rammed into the left edge of the hole………….after a 720 degree loop it dropped in.
On the 12th Baz found another slice off the tee and finished up on one of the adjacent tees…………too which Si remarked “can you play off the tee” - a question we all ask each other from time to time.
On the 14th hole the big cocks of Dilly and Dogleg went for the green with their tee shot – and both fell short. However Dill did manage to hit his approach shot onto the green to two feet. On being advised it was a two shot hole and he would be putting for a net one and thus need to buy drinks………….Dill decided to miss. This trick was repeated by Lard (after the same comment ref a net one buying the beers – although in fairness Andre offered to share the cost if Lard was able to make the putt and score 5 points) as with Dill Lard missed the putt but just for good measure missed the one back as well..........
On the 15th Dilly dropped his tees and started to thank Jeff and Dogleg who had begun picking them up. Needless to say they nicked the tees they liked and gave him the rubbish ones back!
On the 16th tee Jeff and Dogleg had a game of catch (still killing time whilst they waited for the group in front – who had resolutely refused to let them through at
any stage) Jeff began lofting shots to Dogleg. This game resumed on the 17th with Jeff catching Dogleg’s chips. Jeff has a quite word with Dilly and asked for a high catch. Dogleg obliged (but must surely have fallen out of the numpty tree) as Jeff casually moved out of the way – as the ball flew past him and bounded down the fairway so Dogleg had to go and retrieve his ball.
On the 18th hole Baz needed a bogey to set a new society record of forty six Stableford points and after a great drive left himself just 60 yards from the green, and with four more shots to post the 2 points required – his approach was alas a little long, finishing in the decorative flower beds…………after a thinned chip across the green into the bunker and a heavy contact in the sand a scrambled double bogey saw the record equaled – much to the delight of Jeff.
The 18th hole also saw a return to form for Lard as he managed his best ever medal score (of 100) and 34 points – it could have been so much more after blobs on sixteen and seventeen……………..so near yet so far. Andre also managed 37 points again – he obviously likes getting cut around here!
Friday 24th July 2009 – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-1
(Report by Barry Hughes)
Dill finds the bush but Andre shafts it!
With a reduced turnout (due to a variety of reasons) the boys descended on a more local venue than usual –
The Weekend began badly when it became clear food before the round was going to be an issue – after a miss match of small rolls (masquerading under the mask of bacon baps!) some grub was devoured and at least we were not all starving when we went to the first tee.
The Captains for the team event were drawn, Andre got to lead the mighty team Essex (including Baz, Dill and Lard) whilst Dogleg Morris got to skipper Team Wiltshire (including Lee, Si and Jeff) – the pairings for the first round of the CCC would thus allow the boys to go out as teams!
The first hole a long Par-5 saw many people score solid numbers and get away to a good start – which was great given the second hole, would be stroke index-1 and played into a gentle downpour………This allowed Jeff and Si to find out that their brollies were buggered and thus no use to the conditions that would follow!
On the third hole Si began to ponder as to whether it was possible to purchase a club in a half size………(eg: 4.5 and 5.5 irons….) after much ridicule from his playing partners the conversation moved onto cocks in half sizes and more ridicule! Dogleg however could have done with a 9.5 iron as he whacked his tee shot 30 yards long at the Par-3
Dilly having had a quiet start to his round (not choosing to trouble the scorers through the first four holes came to life on the par-5 fifth…………….alas he put his approach high into a tree and to his dismay (but the amusement of everyone else) the ball remained wedged in the branches………..Andre came to the rescue and with the help of one of his clubs knocked the ball out of the tree (where it was duly identified by Dill!) Some conversation would take place at a later date about whether or not Andre could be penalized for playing the wrong ball………………On the same hole Jeff and Si’s conversation had moved on from cock sizes to discuss if Aunties had cocks would they be uncles…………it was all getting very strange in Mr Wray’s head
The seventh hole brought a real turn in the weather as a storm came in and we suffered a torrential soaking – unfortunately for Dill his ball was found under the trees (he had been hoping to walk the hole……..) and he had to play on. Baz discovered his waterproofs were not any more, and for the next three holes thunder and lightening hung around the course. The rain would not clear fully until the twelfth hole when sunshine would finally break through.
Dogleg took the first spoils of the weekend with the longest drive on the 8th – a reasonable drive, but most competitors favored the rough and heavy rough from the tee………..Andre decided a new approach altogether was required and on the 9th hole he decided to play the great one handed approach………picture the scene – 30 yards from the green, umbrella in one hand pitching wedge in the other – an exquisite chip – execute to perfection with the ball landing 6ft from the flag – a shame really that he reverted back to two hands for the putt as his missed on the right hand side.
Baz had a flap on the 10th when he realized his waterproof jacket was missing – after a frantic wander down the fairway the mystery was solved……..as the said jacket was being worn. Having then taken the jacket off (again) Baz managed to crack his ball just short of the trees on the 14th – getting soaked as he backed into the trees in order to come out sideways……….a few more slashes would see Baz make blob for the first time of the day. Also on the 14th Si decided to slam his tee shot to the top of a bank, only to watch it roll back down to his feet so he could try again.
Si and Dogleg took it in turns to attempt and not reach the ladies tee with a variety of tee shots through the course of the round – alas no one succeeded and it was left to Dill to provide one of the comedy tee shot moments on the fifteenth……….Having put his clubs down on the tee he set up the wrong side of the marker…………luckily his playing partners pointed out the error of his ways and he was able to reset before biffing a monster down the middle. This monster would be missed completely by Dill as he casually strolled past his ball completely unaware as to where it was and that he would now have to whack it again.
The last few holes saw Baz fall away and Dogleg step up and earn another stash of cash as he added the Nearest Pin money to his previously banked longest drive. Overnight Dogleg would lead by 3 points after round 1, with Baz a further couple of points back. Dill was bringing up the rear……….(or was that Andre?) and declared after a few balls at the range he would come back on Saturday ready for battle!
After a family bereavement Lee was unable to attend on the day but the boys ensured his meal wasn’t wasted as extra food was ordered and then devoured by the hungry boys. A few sherberts in the bar was followed by a sporadic exit of people with Jeff and Dogleg the last two standing – seen heading back to the bar at 0100 to gate crash the fancy dress party.
Saturday 25th July 2009 – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-2
(Report by Barry Hughes)
Its Cold, its Wet and I’m not playing like that again!
So onto Day two – as there was no big drinking session the night before it was slightly worrying that Dogleg was out in front (perhaps a whiskey club session was needed before the final days play to ensure Dogleg had no kip!)
Unfortunately for all we would not have the company of Lee’s wardrobe (as in the entire contents) for the weekend – the family bereavement meant he would not be able to attend. Although visiting for the day (to play his Matchplay) was Bloddie – who was cheekily to turn up, play for free and win both Nearest the pin and the Longest drive! (although a great gesture by Chris to leave the monies in the wip for the boys)
The pairings were made and day two would see the following groupings:
Group-1
Dogleg, Andre, Si, Bloddie (on day release)
Group-2
Baz, Jeff, Dill, Lard
Andre had one of those days…………after making the final group at the Winter cup in March, and having been second at Hurtmore in May…………..he probably expected to do better than the three points he managed at the turn……….(yep that’s right three points……………) in fact Andre was to achieve a rare feat in this round. First he doubled his points tally on the 6th hole (moving from 1 to 2 points).........then again on the eleventh hole (moving from 3 to 6 points)! Needless to say he would go on and lose his Matchplay singles by the thumping margin of 9&8 (not for the first time)
So to the action – and first the leader Dogleg Morris! After a steady start and a great drive down the 4th hole, Dogleg was to find a shank and thus a blob from nowhere. After the weather on day one and Andre’s rare feat above, Dogleg proved lightning can indeed strike twice by repeating the big drive blob down the next hole as well.
Baz and Jeff were keeping a watchful eye on the events behind and inspired by Dogleg’s inconsistency they both hit huge drives down the 7th hole leaving nothing more than a 50 yard flick into the green. Alas both were to three putt - which was fast becoming a theme for Jeff’s day and a chance to close the gap disappeared.
Having fought hard to save a point on the 8th (to no avail as a missed four foot putt led to another blob) Jeff went through an extensive set up process on the 9th tee, only to knock his ball off the tee with a practise swing….whilst aiming two inches inside the ball……………..hmm ,me thinks alignment problems.
The other members of the four-ball Dill and Lard were also finding life difficult – especially Dill, who seemed to decide it was just not meant to be around the turn. Firstly a squiffy drive left Dill a long shot into the 9th green – a duff followed into the bunker and despite his bag being behind the ball Dill managed to whack his next shot into the face of the bunker and back onto his bag…………..Dill calmly assessed the situation, did the maths and picked up his ball and wandered on.
On the 10th Lard watched as Baz and Dill wandered ahead of him – and after waving and shouting to keep their eyes open (not sure why Lard thought this would mean anything to Dill?) Lard smacked his ball straight at the pair of them – Baz moved casually to his left and then watched as Dill (oblivious to the flight of the ball) took it chest high……………..ouch!.............not to be outdone Andre also took the opportunity to hit a Massey shot from the fairway………..how do these guys get the ball to go backwards!
Baz followed up his blob on the 14th (from day one) with a blob on the 14th on day two……and went to the 15th tee steaming – a carve into the trees followed, as did Lard, Jeff and Dilly as all the boys had to hit provisional balls. Jeff found his ball (again! – all day long he dropped bombs in the trees and kept finding his ball) whilst Baz had to make a second ball birdie to keep his score together.
Having lost his ball on the 14th and 15th Dill was pleased to find it on the 16th (although he had again had a wander into the rough) a few whacks later and Dill walked up and marked his ball on the green – to which Lard requested his ball be replaced….when asked why he had marked the wrong ball Dill remarked – the other ball he looked at wasn’t his either – “so f*ck knows who’s it is supposed to be…….”
As such Dill decided enough was enough and announced he would not be playing day three but would instead be going fishing!
In the Matchplay Si missed a 3ft putt on the seventeenth to take Bloddie down the 18th hole and thus lost the match 2&1 (a great effort by Si and his form had been so good he would make the final grouping on the last day)
At the end of Day two the team event was almost over as team Wiltshire had a healthy 3 point lead and Dogleg would be taking a 5 point lead over Jeff into the final round of the Cross Counties Cup.
In the evening the annual Quiz would take place without Dill who had indeed gone home (despite best efforts of all to change his mind) and after a titanic battle Team Wiltshire would win by 0.5 points and a donkey would be seen adorning the walls of the bar – surely this was too much of a coincidence? Any ideas Si?
Sunday 26th July 2009 – Cross Counties Cup – Rnd-3
(Report by Barry Hughes)
Dogleg falls over the line!
After the rain on Friday, and the sun on Saturday we were now greeted by the wind on Sunday and with the greens having not been cut and the pins not moved (for three days) the course would prove to be a tougher beast on the final day – with putting even more of a challenge than previously.
As with Saturday we had a guest amongst us Sunday – with Peng arriving to play his Matchplay first round against Lard. In true Peng style he arrived early enough to have at least two breakfasts - which was probably going to give him the edge over Lard who despite being a resident didn’t manage to get up early enough to check out and get fed…………perhaps this was a contributory factor which allowed Peng to win the first hole with a score of nine
Of the front runners Dogleg and Jeff both started poorly managing only three points in the first three holes – which would ensure the lead stayed at five points – Baz faired much worse and his return of one point in the opening three holes would drop him eight points back and out of the running. Si had the best return and would continue to play steady throughout the front nine.
A par on the 4th would give Baz a much needed boost – however this would prove to be short lived after a hug drive on five (long way – wrong direction) he would make another blob and drop to nine points back.
In all the final group were all taking turns in hitting great big monsters into the trees and were holding the course up (having attempted to wave the group behind through on three occasions by the 7th tee). On the 7th the embarrassment was complete when all four guys again whacked their tee shots into the trees…………….after a quick glance around a deal was struck – no provisional balls would be hit and everyone would take their chances looking for their ball. First person to smile was Si who came across his ball. Jeff also got lucky – continuing his form of the day before (hit it in the trees…………deep and find it!). The only person not to find his ball was Dogleg – and this was lead to his second blob in a row (and what would be three in a four hole stretch up to the turn).
With Dogleg’s mishaps – Jeff was able to close the gap and at the turn they were level – with Baz the only other player still in with a chance five points back. On the 10th hole the match took a twist when Dogleg hit another wayward tee-shot OOB and Jeff smacked a monster down the middle. With Dogleg reloading Jeff had the chance to go ahead and with only a 7-iron into the par-5 looked set to take a healthy lead. However his approach only found the front bunker and from there he would hit it through the back of the green. A crap lie and a few duff chips later Jeff would score blob and an unlikely second ball par from Dogleg would see him remain in front – Baz made it a three horse race with a four point haul making a birdie and Si chipped in with three points of his own.
As with the front nine the next few holes saw all the guys have a mix of blobs, pars and bogeys – with Dogleg making the best of the scoring and Jeff unfortunately having his bad spell in the round. Baz managed to keep in touch with a run of three pars from 14th-16th holes but with Dogleg also finding two pars the lead remained steady. Baz was able to take a small slice out of the lead on the 17th but a putt of ten feet would slip past the edge and prevent him applying any real pressure.
The final hole would see Dogleg hold a three point lead – and with no shots for anyone but Si it would need a birdie from Baz (and a blob from Dogleg) to see the match extended down extra holes. In keeping with the tone of the day both Baz and Dogleg made a mess of their tee shot (finding more trees!) and after a few more attempts it was not possible to score the points required to change the order. Dogleg would recover to make a bogey and extend his lead to four points after Baz and Jeff both made a blob.
In the group ahead Andre was recovering from his poor day Saturday to score 16 points and earn a consolation point in the team competition. Lard was also having a better day as he and Peng contested a close match – Lard would ultimately lose on the 17th green by the score of 2&1 – as with Si on the previous day Lard had his chance to extend the match but was unable to grab his opportunity
In the final analysis Jeff would only record x3 blobs in the final round – but too many three putts would cost him as Dogleg held on to win the Cross Counties Cup for the first time since Norfolk 2003. Baz was able to steal second place with a solid back-nine and thus record his second Runner-Up of the season (following on from the Winter Cup in March). Si recorded his best finish to a Cross Counties Cup with a creditable fourth place and Andre’s back nine on the final day would see him pip Lard for 5th place.
The team event was won by Team Wiltshire with the resounding score of 7-3 (the biggest winning margin for many a moon) and after a day of missed greens the Chairman’s charity was left with a roll over pot of £41.
Saturday 5th September 2009 – Chairman’s Day
Jeff throws up before the beer!
(Report by Dave Abbott)
And so to the spiritual home of the Cross Counties golf society, Hainault Upper!
As ever, or so it seems, the weather was glorious and the sun shone down on the righteous. Fortunately we were all near someone righteous and managed to bathe in the warming rays. Course was in reasonable nick I thought, some of the bunkers actually had sand in them……………er so someone told me.
A change in venue set up meant no shack brekkie, well at least until the 9th where I enjoyed a wasp filled tea,(I don't know if any one got grub inside) and no Chinese after (a bit of a downer) but Hughes A & B pulled the day together (thanks) to everyones satisfaction Hughes B even collecting dosh up front for der Charidy.
The plan was Hughes Major was to meet me and we go for brekkie in a kaf round the corner afore heading to the course. Well best laid plans etc. Jeff chucking a mug of tea all over the base of a small tree in the street (having first drunk it I add) suggested all was not tickety-boo and he did really well to drag himself round the course. Good to see young Barth (sorry to mention the word Barth so soon after the above) back at the helm, as well. A few late arrivals but we all got away and game on.
Having played the first ok and the second well alright that was about it for me and apart from a half decent tee shot on the 5th I did not manage to get one other tee shot away without drama. Particularly highlighted by the tee shot on the third. Having had the mighty swoosh to see the ball only topple off the tee an even mightier swoosh sent it about 3 yards into a tree. Meanwhile Baz, Dill and Si playing the second tried their best to avoid the short green stuff around the hole. Simon plopped his tee shot into the bunker right of the green only to play out of it so well that his second went further up the third fairway that my second on the third (still with me? See above)- that's dedication. From the final scores it was apparent that even though he hit a pitch to an inch on the 7th, Simon was heading for a day even worse than mine - that's even more dedication!
The round continued with one or two nearby concerts (couldn't tell which), that blared out across the
Any way I digress; rumours of Baz putting in a decent round started to surface eg "Baz hits a 4 iron 215 yards to 10ft on the 6th". Going by his own comment on the first it appears he didn't quite believe it himself managing to make the ball do unbelievable things in the air. "Baz declaring not possible to hit the green as could only see left edge due to trees....Baz hits ball through tree (by accident) and misses green right edge.........And then he tries his best to cock up "14th - Baz thinks he hits the wrong ball....phew he gets away with it" (He hasn't with me in the past!). But even though he, along with his stout troupe, played the 15th 'backwards and forwards on the short par 3 for a blob', he holds his own (ooer) to be triumphant on the day - well played sir.
Meanwhile Si is finding out about the sand with;
"6th Si leaves it in the sand x4 times and then on the shot for blob, gets great backspin........."
And
"13th Si in bunker - leaves it in gets cross and whacks it - almost takes his head off as it ricochets back at him"
And Dills is also racking up a less than convincing score with;
"4th - Dill rattling around the trees - most of the hole"
And
"12th - Dill looks for his ball on the right hand tree line (after being told by Baz) Si tells everyone its actually left hand side...we never found the ball!
Albeit that some kudos was restored when he blatted a 350 yard (Dill) monster tee shot on the 18th, methinks too little too late (mind you I would have taken it!).
Back with myself, Barth and Jeff. Well Jeff was heading for mid table anonymity but happy to get round without throwing up (er as were we) and could be found between shots splayed out on the grass. Barth meanwhile also failed to set the world alight but it was good to have him back in harness, even when he barks at the two ball in front on the ninth for not raking over the bunker. He was quite right I add but it took me a little by surprise.
As for the other group, well they all played well to fill in 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 6th (Bloddy slipping up to mess the up the run). Andre stormed home (as I crumbled further) to beat me by 5 in the Chairman’s Plate. I'd like to say I was thinking about the extra revenue generated as a result but sadly I can't. No funnies from them so I can only surmise they were concentrating so much on their respective matchplays in which Andre beat Peng and Dogleg beat Bloddie, that they didn't manage any calamities - I can't believe that.
The matchplay progresses but I have to impart an addendum: The line up for the Numpty Cup Matchplay has me lined up against the mighty Barth with Jeff waiting for the winner in the final. Jeff gives me a call to see if I can make a date in November saying we will play two rounds over the weekend. The first so I can play Barth and the second so Jeff can play Barth in the final. Needless to say that despite the bookies odds and what history suggests it was a little presumptive of Jeff and I accordingly told him so. I could not let that pass now could I. Time will tell whether his presumption proves to be prophetic or pathetic!
Any way thanks to all for a good day out and thanks for all the resulting dosh reported on a separate note but in summary a healthy £121 raised to take our total to £839. I wonder if we can make the £1000 in our 10th anniversary year?
Your Chair
Saturday 3rd October 2009 – Captain’s Day
Defeat snatched from the brink of victory!
(Report by Barry Hughes)
As with all Captain’s day activity we were required to rock up at a splendid course as chosen by our illustrious captain “the gay blade…………” would it be as tough a test as the
The glorious blue mountain golf centre (me thinks they should stick to making Coffee!!!) The first hole a short, Par 4 driveable for many in the group – or so we thought as player after player hit a cack tee shot - only Peng managed to maintain his dignity and set the standard for the day – one he would match all the way around in his quest for a maiden victory…………..well one he would match for fourteen holes !
On the second hole a short par 5 with OOB all up the right hand side – Baz decided it was too big a risk to try and carry the corner……….and then did any way (lucky bast***d) – Dill tried not to and smacked it OOB………it would be one of those days for the Dill monster. Peng of course creamed a huge drive – turned the corner and was to have his usual putt for birdie on a Par 5.
By the 9th hole an interesting battle was taking place…….for second place – with Peng already five points clear of the field and absolutely flying – Baz was a point clear of Barth with Dogleg a further two points back (thankfully a little pre-occupied in his matchplay Semi Final versus Andre). At this point in time all was going great for Baz as Dogleg had to win in order to have any chance of taking the OOM title….with Baz needing no worse than third to guarantee the title…..however there were four players still in the hunt (just!) so an air of caution was still required.
On the back nine Dogleg woke up and started to close the gap on Baz and Barth – which caused a little bit of panic but with Peng so far clear surely there was going to be no late drama……….and then we played the 12th!!! This was a short par 300 odd yards however the tee was set back in what can only be described as a cricket net…..first to play was Peng – as he nutted a great drive – straight into the roof of the net – Strike 1, next up Baz…..who did the same – Barth spoilt the fun with a great tee shot – but Peng reloaded and hit another great shot – same place roof of the net – Strike 2! Finally on the 3rd attempt he got it away – but not that well…….. but he would scramble a bogey. Baz however managed to blob muttering about how he had been forced to take a different club than he wanted…….and still blob………
By the fourteenth hole all matters appeared to be settled – Dogleg had just closed his match out with Andre 5&4 (after a late charge by skip), Simon was continuing his steady form, Jeff was continuing his crap form! And Peng lead Baz by seven points – Peng would have his maiden win Baz would take the OOM title…………..and then it all changed………….
On the fifteenth hole (after a run of par/birdie by Barth) he would blob….as would Peng, but Baz made par and bagged the longest drive…………the lead would now be four points with three holes to play.
On the sixteenth hole (short Par 3) Peng dicked his tee shot – just missed the lake…….then he shanked his second…..and just missed the lake (bouncing off the railway sleeper) then de dicked his third, only just on the green – 3 putts to follow and another blob, Baz would make bogey and reduce the lead to two points with two to play – Barth made a par and was therefore a further two points back………
The Seventeenth hole – Baz made double bogey for a point, Peng made his third blob on the spin (and was now getting a little bit grumpy) – the lead was now one point – Barth however moved into pole position with another birdie – to also be one point back (but lead the other two guys on countback…..)
On the eighteenth tee all was to play for – Peng still led by one point and was the only player of the three who would get a shot – at this point Baz started to contemplate Dogleg’s score – realising 4th place was now on and the OOM could slip away! As such he belted a huge drive 320 yards into the front bunker – he would then splash out to 12ft above the hole and a putt for a birdie. Barth was also on the green in two but Peng was in the fringe in three. Peng to go first but a sh*t or bust first putt flew past the hole and he would not be able to recover - posting a fourth straight blob (hindsight being a marvellous thing would show that two putts would have won it!) Barth missed but put the ball stone dead – as such Baz had a birdie to win……alas it was not to be – the ball hit the hole but stayed up and Barth would snatch a great come from behind win on countback – Peng would spend the rest of the evening chewing on a wasp.
And so to the plaudits’ Baz would win the OOM, Barth would salvage a season with a win on Captain’s day, Dogleg would advance to set up a match play final against Deano and Andre would not be allowed to book a course again……..ever – although Jeff is allowed to play crap as often as he wants!
Saturday 17th April 2010 – Matchplay Final
Deano wears his putting boots!
(Report by Barry Hughes)
Another season over…………a new one just begun (note: Mr Lennon contacted me from the grave and asked to write exclusively for us – had to turn him down but did agree to tweak his lyrics to fit our story…………!) Anyway why is that relevant? Well season 2010 is upon us and still we had a match from 2009 to clear up – Dogeleg and Deano had an appointment at high noon(ish) to find out who would be the Matchplay king. So we strolled onto the Silvermere prairie for a duel in the sun…………….
Having won the final last year – also against Dogleg, Deano started favourite and having made his
usual whinge about how bad his putting is we headed down to the first tee. The first remarkable thing was the weather – it was sunny and warm and the green was bouncy and fast (hmmm already alarm bells ringing for Dogleg!!) these got louder on the first green when Dogleg took three to get down from just off the green and Dean got up and down from 20 yards – first hole first 1 putt – 1up Deano.
Both guys made a mess of the second and third holes – both managing to win one of these (Dean getting up and down again on the 3rd) – so onto the 4th hole and another up and down saved a half to see Dean stay 1 ahead.
The match stayed quite even (although Deano had moved 2up) until the first key moment – 8th green – Dogleg was 10ft away – and likely to have x3 putts to win the hole – however Deano got up and down again – leaving Dogleg two putts to claw back a hole – it was not to be as he 3 putted and the lead stayed at 2up. This would become three up on the 11th as Dogleg lost his ball from the tee. These two holes were critical as they were both holes in which Dogleg (or is that snaphook?) received a shot.
Dogleg came back at Deano again but was never able to close the gap to less than two – every time the match returned to 2up – Dean would win the next hole. The final act really was played out on the thirteenth hole – having got back to 2 down again Dogleg was 12ft from the hole, with Deano in the bunker – Dean splashed out to 20ft – made the putt leaving Dogleg his for the half…..and he missed to go 3 down again. This was Deano’s 9th up and down in the first 13 holes (we did check to see if it was Bloddie in a prophetic mask…………….)
Dean went on to close the match out on the 15th green with his tenth one putt of the day to record a 4&3 victory
The Chairman Speaks……
And so, once again, wiping a tear from a melancholy eye (replacing onion into pocket) I wistfully ‘put pen to paper’ as it were and find myself jotting down the few lines of inane drivel that constitutes the Chairman’s end of year account where we sign off the old year and herald in the new.
By my reckoning, although as yet uncorroborated by the licked lead pencil of Statto and therefore vulnerable to correction, it is our 10th Society Year which also means Statto’s 10th Wedding Anniversary and congrats to that! If I am late which I know many of you cannot think possible of me (actually I think it is Bazza’s 11th this year and exactly when the Society began is moot) or if I am early (come on – as if!): Either way it is time to capture the moment.
10 years! Strewth. 10 years ago - I was only a boy of 40; we had just coped with the Millennium Y2K bug which none of us in IT found too harmful, in fact probably the contrary. The
Some, since our first collective biffs, have had new jobs, new partners and new homes – others just plain greedy have had all the above – but through thick and thicker the Society has reasonably, happily plodded along. Some have come and stayed; others have come and gone but Cross Counties remains (no mention of previous name options).
There have been many achievements:-
Individual and Team, Cups and Comps, Tears and Tantrums, Pirates, Bandits and Onion Soup, Norfolk Broads, Stan Drews, Whisky & Whiskey and some other lowland cream shit, incidents comic or otherwise, fire alarms, quizzes and good works for ‘Chariddy’ –which I believe now stands at £839, a sterling effort, (can we break the grand this year?), golf trips, family trips, hotels, meals various some spoofed for and of course indoor golf, trips en-continent where vodka come in pints, you can go Crazy and ‘Le Cheeeese’ . I am not going to attempt any more of an exhaustive kind of listing, suffice to say go back and read (re-read) the Society Year Books so diligently collated – I recommend it.
Well done to all for ’09 and for ’00 to current ~ Eyes down for ’10!
And for your final delectation, reprinted without permission but I am sure the boys at Viz won’t mind, it’s a Raffles take on a day at the course.
Pip pip
Chair