Locky at a Canter !!!!!!!!!

 

Saturday 15th March 2003
(Report by Tony Dillien)

 

Saturday 15 March saw the beginning of a new season and the re-uniting of old faces, some looking older than others. The sun shone brightly as the intrepid golfing legends set off.

 

The day began as usual with Niall’s friend Dave (Society guest) starting the trend on the 1st hole where he decided that the best way to play it was to go into the trees. Then have a look, chip out, and decide the fairway was not the place to be and promptly put his ball back into the trees. He did this a further three times on this hole, was he really trying to use all his shots on one hole.

As normal Simon Wray continued his impressive matchplay record with another loss to the captain supreme, this partially due to a dog on the 5th hole which appeared to pick up his ball and run off.

 

Barry also had his problems here, while attempting to get out of the trees, he made a masterful swing but only succeeded in running the ball along a branch of a tree and deeper into the mire.

 

Niall had many problems on the day, including a glorious drive on the 10th, which hit a metal picket and bounced into the netting on the left. This was followed on the 15th hole, when Niall took aim with his driver on the tee only to be informed that he was facing the wrong way and in fact it was only a 120-yard par three.

 

It was Andre’s turn this year to become the flashing blade while trying to recover his ball from under a bush, but alas to no avail, perhaps he should have taken note from Bryan Arthur.

 

During his matchplay game against Simon Wray, Mr Bryan Arthur was given a ruling that he could remove grass cuttings that had been placed around the tree root next to his ball. This he carefully and painstakingly did, only to play his shot, miss the ball and cover it in the cuttings he had just removed.

 

In general it was a good days golf and played in a friendly manner, too friendly maybe as some group members were inviting their playing partners to go and join the group in front, take note Jeff this is not standard society etiquette !!!!!

 

Congratulations to bandit Brian Lock on his victory and it was good to see everyone. Roll on the next one.

The Captain is back !!! (Second Again !!!)

 

Sunday 11th May 2003
(Report by Niall Campbell)

 

As the skies threatened to burst open and moisten us all, so the Cross Counties Golf society descended on Essex, the home of moist. When you think of Essex, consistency and achievement are probably two words that come to you immediately. Essex is a non-conformist county where anything can be achieved; Consistency is the watchword; Achievement is the dream; and the stilettos are white. Accordingly, Consistency became the motto for CCGS while they stayed within the shores......

 

First group out consisted of Jeff back on home ground, Mosey and Dilly. Away, faster than a rat out of an aquaduct, the boys set out to smash the course record for speed. The relentless pace caused Dilly to spin off after nine holes leaving Mosey and Jeff in a two horse race to the bar. Did I say spin, or did I say slice? It matters not. Dilly set new standards of consistency by resisting the urge to score points. Nine holes, no points and the return of 17 captive golf balls to nature has set an exciting standard for the Society to aspire to in the future.

 

Second group out consisted of Baz back to his roots, Andre, Niall and guest Essex Man, Dave Lucas playing only his fourth full round. Consistency abounded as Baz set the pace by hitting 4 lakes in 5 holes, demonstrating an unerring ability to lose balls in water. Niall tried to counter this by choosing to lay up on a Par 3, which included a carry across the water (actually laying up twice on one hole, which is not something seen everyday). Finally he took Baz on at his own game, dunking two in the water at the 7th.

 

Andre continued to demonstrate his new found consistency by turning in an awesome 31 points. The highlight of his round in true Dick Turpin country being a birdie three at the Par 4 second, whilst simultaneously twirling his moustache. Is it Dick Turpin? Is it Zorro? It matters not. Dave Lucas steadily delivered 23 points in his first outing and in the finest tradition of Essex folk in the Society made a gainful attempt to decapitate a tree with his bare golf club.

 

The third group held the most laudable and consistent of our achievers. Bryan Arthur set a new record for the Society by scoring on each of the 18 holes played, amassing an immense 32 points. Setting records though is not enough and the day’s glory was resplendent in the shape of Locky returning an unmatchable 34 points.

 

It was good to see the captain right back where he belonged (nearly at the top of the leader board) in second place !!

 

Chris Goodman, the second guest of the day made a superb start by taking the nearest the pin prize, establishing the most Essex of credentials by turning up and taking the money. Special mention for the final member of the group, Simon, who achieved new highs by playing a whole round without a single golden golf ball nomination.

 

The Group retired to the Clubhouse, still standing in spite of the arrival of Jeff and Mosey an hour and a quarter ahead of the next group. Gentle refreshment was taken amidst the choral shrilling of the XR3i before the Society took their leave to return to the hurly burly of suburbia minus a few hubcaps.

Arthur upsets the Norfolk broads !!!!

Friday 27th June 2003

(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

As early as the lark, the cross county folk crawled out of their pits and made their way to the distant land of East Anglia and more specifically Richmond Park. For some such as the Lard, Tony and the Wiltshire boys this was an earlier than usual start and later that day the golf played would reflect this.

 

For others such as the Hughes boys a late night on the brandy and an early start had differing results out on the course, as Jeff put in his best society score for many a moon. Baz continued his new tactic (begun at Crondon park, Essex) of identifying where the lake (or water hazard) could be found, and then promptly hitting a ball into it! At Richmond Park, some of these shots were to be admired, as the water hazard was only three feet wide!

 

After every one turned up there was enough time to moan about the apartments not being ready (These were then made available prior to teeing off). We had time to whinge about the tee times allocated (which subsequently were correct), and Lard had time to forget to order food (assuming it had been done, and thus would appear). It has to be said we are a most organised and easy going bunch of folk............

 

When the golf started the standard was........... indifferent as several players struggled to make any putts, despite the greens being in fine condition. Niall was heard to mutter on many occasions across the weekend that the greens did not break and every putt was therefore straight. If this was the case it was strange how he never managed to get any.

 

The best performances on the first day were from Jeff (33 points) who played scrappily but posted a good score and Niall who played a very

solid round (31 points).

 

The highlight of the round occurred on the 18th tee when Baz inadvertently spoke whilst Niall was on his back-swing (incidentally this favour was returned by Niall on the 1st tee of day two.........). Having dropped his ball in the water Niall proceeded to mumble and grumble, about etiquette and consideration. Next up on the tee was Simon Wray and for comedy Baz now intentionally spoke on his back-swing to see the effect. The result, Simon missed the ball and we all fell about laughing (except Niall) as more attempts were made by Simon to get the ball off the tee so the laughter continued until whisky was required as a form of antidote.

 

The final act of the first round was also played out between Baz and Niall. Baz found a ball by his, off the back of the 18th green and decided as it was a Top Flite (as played by Niall) this would go some way to make up for the incident on the tee. As such the ball was returned to Niall. On receiving the ball Niall looked a little bemused and asked why his active ball was being returned before he had completed the hole, it was becoming one of those days!

 

The team event this season was played in a Ryder cup style format with three teams drawn from the hat playing Singles, Better-ball and Scramble Matches.

 

On day one the following Singles Matches took place:

 

(The highest Stableford points total scores two points, the second best total scores one point and no points awarded for the lowest score). Congratulations to Dave Morris who managed to win his match without having been present....................hmmmm probably best not to try and explain that!

 

At the end of Day One

The results of the Matchplay events played on this day were the following

 

Quarter Final

Bryan Arthur beat Dave Abbott 6&5

Andre Clothier beat Tony Dillien 6&4

Niall Campbell beat Simon Wray 7&5

 

The evening began a little badly when we were rushed into selecting our evening meals as the chef was keen to go home. After a number of poor (and time consuming) rounds speed was the last thing on everyone's mind and we did not endear ourselves to the bar staff............(or maybe one of them in particular).

 

The meals duly arrived, as did Dave Morris who turned up late having posted his first round score (29 points) at the Parasampia golf club, in Berkshire two weeks before the event. Things started going wrong when 'Le Captain’s' curry turned up with peppers in..........apparently this is not the done thing and it caused enough offence to warrant non eating. Shortly after this an innocent comment made to the sour faced waitress was taken out of context and a dressing down was delivered back to the table by Tony Dillien (who had headed to the bar for a cigarette).

 

Much speculation about what had been said, and who by spread across the dining room until the meal was finished and we retired to the bar. Being the decent upstanding citizen that he is Mr Arthur attempted to mediate and resolve the situation......................this went horribly wrong when he was identified as the comment maker. This was not at all well received by Bryan and he stormed away, mumbling "sod it, I'm going home, rah rah rah (actually he did not go home and the next day after calming down he took it out on Baz in the Matchplay............).

 

After more mediation between the bar manager, Baz and Dave Morris (and the strange never fully explained appearance of the old bill) tensions subdued and things calmed down. Although this proved to be a recurring topic of conversation, over the next few days.

That’s not my ball…………it’s the wrong colour!

 

Saturday 28th June 2003
(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

The second day of the weekend saw a glorious sunny day following a night of storms (and not just those caused by Mr Arthur!). The first event of the day was the 9-Hole (Better ball) Team Stableford Competition.

 

First out was Team Two, captained by Tony Dillien and after a fine morning's golf they posted a very competitive total of 21 points. Second out was Team One, captained by Simon Wray, again a good morning's golf produced a score of 21 points. The final group out was Team Three, captained by Dave Abbott, another solid performance followed and victory was achieved with a score of 23 points. The highlight of the round was Andre's third shot into the Par 5, first hole, which finished six inches from the cup. Victory and two points were therefore awarded to team Three. Team two achieved second place on countback.

 

After the 9-hole (Better ball) competition

 

Saturday afternoon saw a much-improved performance on the golf course, with only Niall, Simon and Andre failing to improve on their first-round performances.

 

The best round of the day was unmistakably Bryan Arthur who took eleven shots off the previous course record on his way to an eleven over par score of 83 (-4 handicap). This performance saw Bryan post an impressive 39 Stableford points.

 

Other players to post scores in the thirties were Jeff, who matched his opening round with 33 points, Dave Morris who opened up with 34 points and Baz (35 points) who tried to stay with Bryan before falling away at the end of his round (as most players did at the end of a long day). One of the best performances of the day came from Tony Dillien who returned to form with 30 points.

 

 

The results of the Matchplay events played on this day were the following

 

Semi Final

Bryan Arthur beat Barry Hughes 4&3

Dave Morris beat Andre Clothier 9&8

 

Quarter Final – Matchplay Plate

Jeff Hughes beat Dave Abbott 5&4

 

The afternoon team event singles were drawn as follows:

(The highest Stableford points total scores two points, the second best total scores one point and no points awarded for the lowest score).

At the end of Day Two

Having failed to score any team points again this afternoon Simon chose to celebrate by pouring a pint of lager over Andre and after a mumbled "sorry mate" proceeded to continue with his story. On further questioning Simon replied "well it's too late now, the beer is over Andre – let's get another round in..........."

Its Morris at the double !!!!!!!!!

 

Sunday 29th June 2003 - Norfolk OOM - Richmond Park Golf Club
(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

The final day of the weekend saw another sunny day as conditions remained perfect for the final round of the cross counties cup. The final group of players including Jeff, Dave M, Bryan and Baz were separated by a total of four points as the closest finish yet looked to be on the cards.

 

The first event of the day was the 9-Hole Team Texas Scramble. With team two holding a strong overnight lead it was imperative that the other two teams made solid contributions. Alas it was not to be for team three as only Dave Abbott played anywhere near potential and they fell away to a (+6) round. Team One put up more of a fight and came into the clubhouse with a (+2) score. The team lead however was increased further when team two scored another win when they posted a (+1) round and an almost certain victory.

 

After the 9 hole Texas Scramble Competition

This year the final round, on the Sunday afternoon also saw the Order of Merit event contested. As such two society players who could not make the weekend away Brian Lock (current leader in the Order of merit standings) and Chris Goodman (making his competition debut) and one guest Ronnie 'le bandito' arrived at Richmond Park.

 

Things began badly for Chris as he hit his first two official society member shots out of bounds. Fortunately for Brian Lock when he hit his ball out and back in again, and dangerously for Jeff when he lashed a 5 Wood into a tree and sent a huge branch crashing down. This shot by Jeff set the tone for the final group as the four players seemed more interested on each other than playing solid golf and poor starts were made by all. The worst start was made by Baz who fell completely of the pace and did not figure at all until a late recovery towards the end of his round that enabled him to climb a few positions on the final leader-board.

 

The best shots of the final round belonged to Bryan Arthur who repeatedly hit glorious iron strokes to leave short birdie putts, but on the day nothing would drop and he had to be content with third place. The highlight of Bryan's round was a majestic three iron from 195 yards, into Stroke-Index-1 which hit the pin.

 

The most solid if unspectacular scoring was performed by Dave Morris who steadily went about his business collecting net pars, before a late surge of net birdies took him to (-4) and victory on the day and the weekend with a colossal 40 points. Jeff hung on until the back nine and then he too fell away and had to battle Bryan Arthur for possession of the empty box.

 

Tony Dillien struggled again and threatened to walk in after nine (hmmmm...................... This is becoming a bit of a habit) however on hearing about Baz's form he continued to play in the hope of winning the matchplay plate game.

 

Ronnie 'Le bandito' as he was to become known declared his intentions by announcing he played off a handicap of fourteen. Although prior knowledge led us to believe he was more likely 1.6! The bonafide handicapper then proceeded to score thousands of points in a (+7) coarse par round of golf. This score of 76 was not eligible for the course record as Ronnie was playing as a guest. Needless to say serious debate would be required prior to setting a handicap prior to his debut event at Chobham.

 

Brian Lock was his usual steady self, securing second place in the order of merit event and extending his lead for the season with a score of 33 points, while Simon Wray had his third consecutive round of 121 strokes and again failed to win his team any points!!!

 

Baz managed to take twelve penalty strokes in the final round and also achieved the record of hitting his ball in the lake at the 17th hole every time he played it. When water golf takes off this boy is a natural!

 

Cross Counties Cup Final Team Results

 

The final days singles were as follows:

The highest Stableford points total scores two points, the second best total scores one point and no points awarded for the lowest score).

Second place awarded to team three as they have a better head to head record over team one (6-5).

 

Congratulations to Bryan and Jeff as the highest individual points scorers (5 out of possible 6). Only Jeff, Bryan and Baz scored points in all their singles matches.

Brian Lock v Jeff Hughes - Venue : Hainault Upper

3rd August 2003 

(Report by Jeff Hughes)

 

On a blistering hot Sunday afternoon the match started off in style with Brian racing to a 2up lead in two holes, however with a run of four wins in four holes Jeff was able to take control and went to the turn still leading. Both Brian and Jeff had a blistering start to the back nine parting the first two holes. Holes then went both ways up to the 16th where a solid par from Jeff put him two up with two to play with Brian getting a shot on the 17th. Needless to say Brian did not need the shot as he played a good hole and took the match down the 18th.

 

A poor tee shot from Brian saw Jeff play chicken and play a safe 5 wood to try to get the ball on a 100 yard fairway, which he only just managed to do. A poor 2nd from Brian enabled Jeff to punch a 5 iron down the hill to 20 yards from the green. Brian then scrambled well for a six, fortunately for Jeff he had two putts for the hole and sunk the putt to win 2up.

 

This was a closely contested match played in the usual manner with plenty of gamesmanship but as always plenty of laughs, especially when Ronnie tried to ram Jeff and Mosey's buggy only to be squirted in the face with the water bottle being held by Jeff. Needless to say no more ramming occurred for the rest of the round.

 

Result Jeff wins 2up

Niall Campbell v Barry Hughes - Venue : London Hatfield

9th August 2003

(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

On a sweltering afternoon Baz and Niall set off on what Baz had confidently claimed would be a formality ————— and he duly got his comeuppance!

 

Niall had the best of the early exchanges and when Baz was three down after five things began to look little bleak. However a run of three pars in the next four holes and a four putt from Niall saw the match all square at the turn. When Baz then knocked his approach to the tenth inside fifteen feet it looked as though he may take the lead for the first time, but it was not to be as Niall scrambled a half.

 

The match turned on the eleventh with Baz playing his third shot from 130 yards away into a par five, with Niall playing six from the bunker, sixty yards short of the green. There did not seem to be too much danger, but two hit trees and a lost ball later Baz walked off one down (again) having lost the hole to an eight (although Niall did make a great up and down for his eight!).

 

It was now Niall's turn to make two pars in three holes as he again opened up a two-hole lead. Again the gap was closed to one hole before Niall found two more pars to close out the match on the sixteenth green.

 

Result Niall wins 3&2

Team Mexico take the honours!!!!!

 

Monday 11th August 2003

(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

The chairman’s day was a 27 hole event which allowed for something different. So for the first nine holes two man scramble teams were drawn out the hat and given a combined handicap.

 

First out were Jeff and Brian Lock, affectionately described by Jeff as a donkey when the draw was made—in the old days this would usually lead to dental treatment as Locky would have explained the error of his ways.............. these guys posted a splendid 27 points.

 

Second out were the Chairman and the Captain who posted a pitiful 19 points. Also playing in this group were Baz and Andre who fared only slightly better with 21 points. The highlight of this group was all four players hitting the water or out of bounds on the third hole. Baz and Lard decided to slap another couple of balls in the water second time as well!!!

 

Finally team Mexico played—with Paul and Chris posting an excellent 28 points. Playing in the same group were Ronnie and Tony who fared reasonably well with an acceptable 22 points. Needless to say the tone had been set for the day as all players reported the course suitable for murdering in the afternoon!!

 

There’s a new kid in town......................
(Report Barry Hughes)

 

The eighteen hole chairman’s day competition began shortly after lunch and it proved to be one of the closest competitions ever contested...................... except for the winner!

 

Chris Goodman recorded his debut victory with a solid (and bloody good) round of 81, which equated to forty-two Stableford points. This eclipsed the old record of forty points jointly held by Dave Morris and Jeff Hughes. Chris also found time to record his third consecutive victory for nearest the pin, although I have it on good authority that the Lard went close.

 

In the first group out Jeff had a blistering front nine going to the turn in forty strokes and amassing twenty-one points, to share the lead at half way. Bryan Arthur recorded an equally solid front nine of nineteen points. Andre was unfortunately had a nightmare, and having been selected to play against Jeff in the chairman’s invitational matchplay cost several society boys cash with his dismal performance (harsh but fair). He eventually lost by eight holes to ensure charitable contributions would have high.

 

On the back nine Jeff continued to play steady until he got excited by the prospect of the longest drive. He duly had two attempts at it after whacking his first ball into the trees. A ten followed and a mini collapse came to pass, before a late recovery saw him post the clubhouse lead with thirty-five points. For the third time this season Jeff slipped down the final results table on countback.

 

Bryan Arthur continued to play steady golf but a dreadful run of three points in five holes saw the end of any potential victory. Again a good finish with three net birdies at sixteen, seventeen and the tough eighteenth saw Bryan post thirty-three points.

 

The guest in this group Peng (or ping Pong as he become known) had obviously heard of the mythical golden golf ball as he set out trying to win enough in one day to fill his bag. I am led to believe the sequence involving the bunkers was particularly impressive.

 

In the second group out the standard was excellent with Paul Mose playing by far the steadiest handicap golf and taking second place with a total of thirty-six points. Brian Lock posted a creditable thirty-five points playing a little below his best. Baz also posted thirty-five points (and subsequently losing third place to Brian on countback). Tony completed a quality fourball with thirty-three points. All in all the highlight of this groups play was the excellent management of the frozen liquid stocks right back to the eighteenth hole, thus keeping all players suitably refreshed. Although the committee may wish to ban that nasty watermelon and kiwi cack being offered by Paul!!!!!!

 

The final group out took all the spoils as Chris claimed victory in the Stableford and the Nearest Pin competitions. The Chairman himself stood up to the plate and took the longest drive and then immediately donated the £56 winning to his chosen charity. The course record also came from the final group as Ronnie, coming to terms with his handicap of 7.4 posted thirty-four points after a medal round of 78.

 

Dave Abbott was one of the few victims on the day as the committee managed to cut their colleague by 0.8 after a steady 22 points, giving him a new handicap of 32.0 (the first move that Lard has made this season!).

 

Niall (who could not make the morning nine holes) posted a creditable twenty-nine points and wisely left before the evening meal. This was indeed an interesting experience which I would not be keen to repeat. We can report that the government were correct Iraq did have weapons of Mass Destruction. They have been supplied to Chobham Golf Club and are masquerading as Roast Potatoes!!!

 

The Chairman would like to thank all those parties who contributed to his charity (especially Andre!!!) the grand total of £165 quid ish was raised and then matched by Vodafone, giving the total Contribution to the Macmillian cancer fund as £330.

Sunday 7th September 2003
(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

The day began well at the Hughes household with Chairman Lard, Baz, Jeff and Tony waking after a fine evening of drink................ and the local greasy spoon was the place to start the day. After the food was devoured the next stop was for a service station rendezvous with the rest of the crowd, for some reason everyone seemed to have brought their own cars, to travel half the country................ has nobody heard of car sharing !!!!!!!!

 

Departure from the service station was also taxing as the captain (in the lead car) sped off without checking that everyone else was in tow...................... (probably confused at being ahead and not in second place...................... cheap shot I know), however myself and Tony were not (in tow that is), as such frantic phone calls were required to arrange another meet on the side of the road.

 

Once we arrived the days pairings were drawn out of the hat and the players moved down to the first tee. As play began no-one would have believed how important the draw may be in getting the best of the weather and missing a torrential downpour. Then again slow play played apart as well and I was out with Jeff........................ say no more.

 

Tony Dillien chose today to find his best form of the season (on probably the toughest course) as he found the centre of every fairway up to the turn hitting an absolute monster (over 285 yards) on one of the par fives. This form continued until another par five (the fifteenth) when he made his first blob by smacking two balls over the fence. Unfortunately for Tony another blob, and two one point hauls followed as the heavens opened and his round fell away at the death. He still posted a total of thirty-two points, to many for anyone else in the fourball.

 

Jeff had moments of brilliance and nightmares in his round the highlight being the great fairway bunker shot he hit early on the back nine, which saw the ball fly miles beyond the green........... Unfortunately he found the ball in a terrible position and a blob followed. All was forgotten however when he chipped in for a birdie at the last. Barry spent the day collecting one point a hole as he recorded the fewest blobs of the day in a modest twenty four point haul. One particular tee shot needed a little guidance as it headed towards the water, only to hop left and across the bridge on request !!!!

 

Chris became the fourth member of the back-to-back winners club (consisting of Brian Lock, Baz, Jeff) as he followed up victory in Surrey with another win. On a tough golf course Chris played particularly well to post thirty-five points and nick the title off Tony, by recording eight points to Tony’s two over the last four holes.

 

Other noticeable performances on the day included Bryan Arthur and Dave Morris who managed to get into the top five despite battling each other in the Matchplay final (full details of this match follow after the results page). Brian Lock appeared to throw a few players a bit off a life-line in the battle for the order of merit, with an uncharacteristically average performance as he finished down the field – this however was not the case as a 9th place finish was enough to secure the title.

Dave Morris v Bryan Arthur

(Report by David Morris)

 

A tough day's golf lay ahead on this picturesque and well appointed course as the finalists Dave Morris and Bryan Arthur both now local Wiltshire boys although formally and respectively from Essex and Northern Ireland only had one format on their minds.

 

The first hole was halved in bogey fives which was a bit of a shock as in his last 24 holes of matchplay Dave had only managed one half. Bryan then took the 2nd with a par 3 only to be hauled back at the third, it was obvious the final was going to the wire even at this early stage.

 

The next six holes were quite scrappy with Bryan claiming the only par and Dave making the most of his 2 shots. Holes 4 and 5 went to Bryan, holes 6 and 7 to Dave with 8 and 9 being halved. All square after 9!!

 

The back nine went a similar way to the front with Dave taking the tenth with a bogey 6 and Bryan taking the 11th with a bogey 5. Dave then took the initiative by taking 12 and 13 with bogeys only for Bryan to again post back to back pars to make it all square after 15.

 

After a bogey 5 with perfect use of his final shot Dave took the 16th as the rains came down and the clubs got slippery he knew that two halves would see him lift the trophy. Job done on the 17th with a bogey 4, now just the eighteenth to go, but Bryan had other ideas. Whether it was those slippery clubs or the driving jitters Dave had a nightmare from tee to green and was forced to concede the hole as a double figure score beckoned and Bryan calmly holed for a solid bogey 5. All square after 18!!!!

 

Jeff and Niall then joined Dave and Bryan to adjudicate as they went to the 19th hole (not as enjoyable as usual!). After two reasonable drives both players hit poor seconds with the pressure really showing Dave put his ball through the green into some nasty rough at the back. Bryan put his ball within 20 feet and was now hot favourite. Under pressure Dave played a chip to about four feet, while Bryan had a difficult putt for the match and struck it three feet past the hole. With the pressure both players missed their putts and off to hole 20 they went.

 

A testing 190 yard par 3 lay in wait as the pressure mounted both players missed the green to the right. Dave was long and with his ball nestled in some rough and the pin and green below him things were not looking good. Bryan was shorter and closer but had found the bunker. Neither player fancied their own or there opponents shots! Dave played first knowing that if he played a good one Bryan's bunker shot would become twice as difficult. Whether by luck or judgement a perfect was played, with the ball resting four feet from the hole. Under pressure to get as close, Bryan left his ball in the bunker but then played a great third to 6 feet. Bryan knew he had to hole his putt to put the pressure on but it slipped past and Dave nervously used his two putts and claimed the match with a bogey 4.

 

Neither players has yet been beaten over 18 holes and will be the one's to beat next year.

November 2003
(Report by Barry Hughes)

 

Everyone rocked up on time and for a change a load of women turned up to [blank] before Jeff could get too excited though the bacon rolls were dished out and the non golfers departed to far away pastures ................ well far away from Jeff anyway.

 

Before play got underway next years Matchplay draw was made and whilst everyone was thinking of the plumb ties pulled out by Dave Lard and Brian Lock, the draw for the days grouping was made. As per usual Brian Lock and Ronnie seemed were drawn together (which is a good job as these guys are notorious at hiring buggies ........................ almost as bad as Niall !!).

 

On the course Barry and Chris matched each other for the first six or seven holes, playing some scrappy golf, but always managing to sneak a point and keep the score alive (Baz posted the lowest number of blobs for the second consecutive event). Around the middle of the course they both started to play very well with birdie putts being the order of the day - Chris in particular holed a long slick putt on the 9th to post a two.

 

Chris finally managed to shake Barry off on the fifteenth, when he made an excellent par five having been in a lot of trouble after three shots. This was also coming off the back of a very difficult ruling on the previous hole. On the fourteenth Chris hit his second from the trees towards the green however no one was able to pick up the flight of the ball, as such he did not know where it was. Having just about given up the search, Chris found the same make ball behind the green but as he was unable to positively confirm it was his ball (as he did not remember the number), he declared the ball out of play with two or three points on the hole looking a certainty. The chairman Lard and myself were fortunate enough to be in the same group as Chris, and whilst it was a tough (self administered) ruling it was the correct thing to do. We were both very happy with the level of honesty and sporting behaviour displayed in this incident and in countless others through the season (Bryan Arthur in the Matchplay final at Bowood springs to mind), so special thanks to all !

 

It would appear as though the golfing gods decreed that on his own competition day Bryan would finally get across the line to record a win (having been second on eight previous occasions!!) and still no-one would record three consecutive wins as Chris finished runner-up by a single point.

 

Jeff continued his strong finish to the season with a solid third place. A result that enabled him to have improved his performance in every event of the season, he also finished the right side on countback, which made a nice change! Brian Lock returned to form with a solid fourth place, which enabled him to post a new record Order of Merit points total. Paul Mose left his best stuff till the final few holes when he did his air shot trick with his putter, while Ronnie would wait until the evening to entertain. In the battle for the empty brandy bottle Dave Lard got home on countback as he had more second from last place finishes than Ronnie, the other contender, although Ronnie has the consolation of achieving the lowest number of Stableford points in a season (3 events to qualify!!!).

 

Special mention to Simon Wray who posted a disastrous twelve points, this may have been good enough ................ or even bad for the worst tally of the season if Tony Dillien had not made that competition his own!

Gentlemen,

 

Captain's day has been and gone and I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I did. This, of course, now means that I stand down and so welcome Tony Dillien, our new leader. Before I step aside though, I would like to extend all our thanks to the committee, a big thanks to those whose work allows others to be able to turn up and play.

 

A few observations of the day:

The splendid sight of Andre trying to play the ball through a (very solid) wall, and, after failing, resetting and having another go! Simon was very amused by this, and he set up to hit and managed to nail a sapling straight in the middle!

 

Paul Mose and his magic putter – deciding to play sideways to safety with said putter, he managed not one, not two, but three airshots. Has anyone ever seen three airshots with a putter?

 

My sympathies to Chris – a tough ruling and you deserve to win the next one.

 

Did Barry Hughes really apologise for his group's slow play? Why did the (now ex) captain not play a provisional on the first hole – a blob with only one shot played – pillock!!

 

Donnington Valley must be the richest club in the universe – I have never seen so many golf balls just lying around.

 

A special mention to Chairman Lard – I am told his greatest shot of the day undeservedly failed to clear the water by a mere two inches (ok feet, maybe metres, well a good couple of yards.........).

 

By the way, does anyone know if Ronnie is sober yet?

 

A last thought – Jeff – how long did the fastest group take to get round?

 

Anyway, truly a pleasure – Tony have a great year!

 

(Ex) Capitano Arturo

PS Jeff – Wootton Bassett!

A final prayer and blessing – from Chairman Lard

 

Leading the prayer for today Roy Wood, Minnie Driver and a couple of Gay Irons.

 

Our Captain in the 19th
Give us this day our daily score
and forgive us our three putts
as we forgive those who one putt against us
lead us not into temptation of the draw from the tee
and deliver us from the bunker
for thine is the kingdom the power and the glorious drive
for (left) ever and ever
Ah buggerrit

 

May your gloved hand stay forever dry. Go forth and decrease your handicap with the blessing from the God the Captain, God the Spirit of Sloe Gin and God the Holy Ghost of a chance of your Chairman winning.

 

And finally I ask you to strike up to Hymn 18 "There is a Green Hill far away, (without a single hazard)" and during the singing I am going to nip back to that chalet in Thetford and remove that picture of Bess looking out contentedly at the sheep whilst Roger the farmer inserts his pipe!

 

Yours, Lard

Comments from the new captain – Tony Dillien

 

As the beginning of a new season is upon us I would like to thank Mr Bryan Arthur for his superb captaincy last year and hope everyone will join me in this, i hope i can live up to the standards which have been set.

 

It is good to see both the numbers and standards grow over the last few years. I hope this year is as successful. It is an honour for me to be appointed captain and i have asked Mr Jeff Hughes to ably assist me in the role of being vice captain.

 

That's enough of that, as captain i hold a very distinguished record and for those of you who didn't know it i am the only person who for the last 2 years has managed to score more blobs in 1 round than Barry hughes and Brian Lock have achieved in the whole year, lets hope for a more successful season for everyone.

 

Your captain

Tony (aka peter kaye) Dillien