Controversy in the Dark!

 

Saturday 3rd November 2001

 

All seemed well on the morning of the competition as everyone set off from the various parts of the country - meeting at the Hainault Club house for Bacon sarnies at 11:00. Unfortunately a few of the members had been unable to attend due to work and family commitments, but a couple of potential new members had joined the group to swell the numbers to nine.

 

The conditions were excellent at the start of play although some early concerns were raised as play was delayed by nearly an hour due to bad course control (i.e. insufficient time allowed between groups teeing off - resulting in huge queues on the first tee!). As such it was decided that the final three ball were to declare when the light was unfit for play...

 

The first real drama occurred in the opening holes when Bryan Arthur decided that the inaugural Order of merit Event should be forever remembered: this was achieved with a hole in one at the second. I would like to say that this short 120 yard Par 3 was tamed by a majestic Pitching Wedge, perfectly controlled through the air, the ball landing by the pin before dropping in the cup...that's what I would like to say. Instead a thinned tee shot, flying like a bullet was delivered, (travelling inches from the ground) hitting the pin and dropping in, but hey an ace is an ace. Bryan proceeded to follow the eagle at the second, with a birdie at the third as he made an impressive start to the round.

 

The hole in one also secured Bryan three bonus points in the order of merit competition as this hole was selected for the "nearest to the pin".

The bonus points were designed to equalise the field and this was emphasised when Dave Abbott secured the longest drive on the eighth. Player after player stood and attempted to knock the ball into next week only to miss the fairway, until the Lard stepped up and showed everyone how it was done! (Although Bryan did have the final tee shot and was heard to mutter "well it's all open for him to clean up" a carve to the left was followed by a look that would have curdled milk from forty yards!

 

The cash for the longest drive went to Simon Woolley who was a guest for the day - he would make his society debut in Hertfordshire in January where he would be eligible for order of merit points. Due to the hole in one incident it was decided to add another nearest the pin, the tenth was selected and Jeff came through hitting a nice shot to about ten feet to open his account for the season. Jeff and Simon Wray had been having a good round up to this point scoring 21 points and 18 points respectively on the front nine. The good weather conditions had allowed a lot of players to post reasonable halfway points totals.

 

The course itself was not in great condition and as the light deteriorated so did some of the play. It was at this stage that Baz started to turn his score around. Having played fairly steadily on the front nine, Baz put together a run which showed him only +3 course par for the last eight holes played, accumulating 21 points

 

It was at this point that the controversy started...

 

As Andre, Barry and Tony left the 16th green it was clear that the light was getting worse, discussions took place with the guys in front when it was agreed that the fifteenth hole would be the last to score. This was relayed to the final group but having teed off Bryan felt that the conditions were not so bad that the sixteenth hole could not be completed.

The hole was thus completed but having made a double bogey (including a three putt) discussions took place to suggest that fifteen should be the final hole after all.

 

Under normal circumstances this would probably not have been much of an issue however, in this case it would determine the result.

 

After fifteen holes the scores were as follows:

After lots of discussions the society decided that the sixteenth hole should count as Bryan had decided the light was acceptable after hitting his tee shot (and thus having begun the hole).

 

His double bogey against a par posted by Jeff and Baz had a major bearing on the final result, as Baz was able to sneak through and claim his maiden victory by a single point.

And then it rained, then it rained some more!

 

Sunday 27th January 2002

 

If the weather conditions for the first order of merit event were good, then the opposite was true for this competition. It had rained most of the week and on Sunday it tipped down - all round.

 

Simon Woolley and Niall Campbell were making their society debut this season, and were both paired with Baz in the group that went out second. Unfortunately Brian Lock again didn't make the day giving him no real chance of a high finish in the order of merit.

 

A bad tee shot - way out of bounds saw Jeff open up with an eight and an early blob, while Bryan secured a steady five, and two points. Simon Wray was not able to repeat the form of Hainault and struggled in the difficult conditions.

 

Simon Woolley made an impressive start to his debut round and generally hit the ball long and straight off the tee. However as the round wore on, so his form from the fairways began to suffer and he managed only five points on the back nine (and three of those came on the 14th hole).

 

Nearest the pin took place on the sixth and Bryan Arthur again claimed the bonus points with a nice shot into about eight feet.

 

Niall had a slow start but a run of eleven points in five holes (from the 4th) saw him to 13 points at the turn and right in contention. In fact the three ball of Niall, Baz and Simon Woolley all kept their rounds together well on the front nine, in the difficult conditions, with Baz a point ahead of both his playing partners at the turn.

 

At halfway Bryan had the lead, but only two points separated four players. The longest drive was contested on the 10th hole and Davey Lard made his first contribution to the event by falling arse over tit. Barry ran back down the ninth fairway to indicate the use of a brolly for the longest drive marker and Dave found this so amusing he threw himself to the floor, very strange behaviour.

 

Simon Woolley claimed the three points for the longest drive, Jeff hit a good drive but failed to find the fairway. As Baz made his way over to Simon to mark the distance of the tee shot some strange conversation took place in Simon's mind...

 

What he thought he heard was "take this brolly as a mark of my esteem" (for the tee shot), what was actually said was "take this brolly and mark where its been" - I would like to say at this point that Simon is mutton! I should know I played eighteen holes with him.

 

More hilarity followed when the second shot of Baz played at ten resulted in an excellent connection with the five wood. As the ball flew down the middle of the fairway, the five wood also flew some twenty five yards away to the left and up a tree! Thankfully after a short pause it came back down, the grips were getting seriously slippery!

 

The back nine proved a disaster with only two players posting ten points or more, Baz and Jeff.

 

Bryan fell right off the pace managing only six points on the back nine holes and blobbing the final four. This let in Niall who had another hot streak as he accumulated nine points in five holes from the 11th.

 

In all Niall managed to score all his twenty-two points on just eleven of the holes, he blobbed the other seven. Baz also had his difficulties on the back nine managing only three points on the first four holes after the turn before steadying the ship with a run of eight points in the final five holes.

 

Tony Dillien must have suffered most as he was often heard to be mumbling and grumbling his way around the course. At the finish he declared that he had scored zero points, and to prove it he had no card to hand in. As such he would achieve last place.

 

Performance of the day was by Chris Webb (Guest) who managed to shoot 38 strokes (+3) on the back nine in appalling conditions. This 38 also included a double bogey seven at the eighteenth. Good Job Chris is just a guest player at this stage...

 

All in all the handicaps are all going up as Baz recorded back to back victories to forge ahead at the top of the order of merit. Niall made a good start to his season by securing second place and Bryan held onto to third despite his poor back nine and Jeff's late charge.

When Senor Lock came to play !!!

 

Sunday 24th March 2002

 

The third order of merit event, had the biggest turn out so far this season, as only Simon Woolley failed to make the event. This was also the first outing of the season for Brian Lock, who was soon to join the fast growing bandit contingency !!!!

 

At the start of play it was decided to send out a three ball comprising some of the low handicap players, another three ball with the high handicappers and a final four ball with odds and sods, this idea was designed to ensure we all played at the correct pace – an experiment which was surprisingly successful !!

 

First out were Bryan Arthur, Gary Morgan (guest) and Brian Lock, and off they went never to be seen again, except for some fleeting glimpse across yonder fairway...........miles ahead of everyone.

 

Second out were Simon Wray, Niall Campbell and Davey Lard, who decided to start the day with an air shot, and was so pleased with the response received from the watching gallery (those left to play) that he did it again ! This proved to be a false impression however as the Lard's continued improvement took place again, ultimately smashing his own round record by an unprecedented eleven shots.

 

The final group out was Jeff, Baz, Andre and Tony the misplacement of most of the tee shots that followed unfortunately set the tone for the day

Baz decided that today, would be the day to turn the screw and pull out of sight from Jeff and Bryan once and for all. Bryan however failed to read the script. Although Jeff not only read the script, but went above and beyond the call of duty as he went hurtling down the leader board. Missing all sorts of fairways and greens until the ninth.

 

Tony started well and fell away Baz continued to hit each and every fairway long and straight until the longest drive hole, and then did not hit another!

 

The first group to reach the longest drive hole were Bryan, Gary and Brian, at this point one of the rare glimpses took place as the final group had visibility of the boys on the eleventh tee. As Bryan Arthur teed off Andre thought it would be hugely comical to let out a fake cough and put him off. Result - bad tee shot, only one problem Andre and Bryan were in the same team for the team competition, perhaps not the best idea after all !

 

Before Dave Lard and the boys got to the eleventh they had some adventures, Dave Lard discovered that telly-tubbies land is indeed a true place and located in the Hampshire golf course at Andover. Not content with this find he went looking for the tubbies themselves, as he took shot after shot in his quest for la-la !!

 

Dave also found a new strategy from tee to green. Find a bunker hit the ball in. Go to the ball, locate another bunker hit the ball in, etc, until the green – perhaps not one for the playing manual.

 

Simon had his problems too, here is a story from the Lard, recounting such events.

 

"Normally I wouldn't put Simon through it again by retelling the story (yeah! As if!), but feel duty bound to do so. So from the book at bedtime from Wootten Bassett I set the scene: A long and broad second lay before us with a gaggle of strangers looking on from the eighth? (well anyway the one parallel 'next door').

 

A fairway that could have been used by a Lancaster Bomber with some stunted roots and gorse on the right as the only barrier to the adjacent broad expanse of fairway that gave a combined effect of the wide open spaces of this green & sceptic Isle etc. Birds sung in the trees and bees blithered their way around in the Spring sunshine that warmed.....(Get on with it).

 

Anyway after a swoosh on the tee Simon's ball drove itself into the only cover for miles namely said stunted roots. However and at that time what seemed somewhat fortuitous, the ball reappeared from the long stuff and presented itself atop a small mound pending a deserved and score saving larraping 2nd shot. Simon addressed the ball with such a larraping in mind and did bear down on it with one almighty swing that managed no more than the splitting of a few billion air atoms and was followed through with a number of profanities many of which I can’t spell."

The club hung at the end of its arc for a brief moment before being left to swing back, one handed to boot, whilst Simon lovingly stared up the fairway to where that ball should have been sent.

 

No smirking at this point especially having posted a couple of air howitzers just the previous hole myself, but the shot was not yet complete. As Simon was staring in one direction the reverse of the club gave the ball a clean thwack and it disappeared back into the roots some 180 degrees in the opposite direction. I have to admit Niall and myself did venture some guffaws at this juncture but who could blame us?" Dave Lard (March 2002)

 

As the round continued Brian Lock went merrily along his way scoring points on all the holes going out except the sixth. This relentless form continued, until just before the end and despite falling away at the death a competitive target of 29 points was posted. Competitive as the greens were cack and the fairways, well it was a good job winter rules were in play that's all I have to say.

 

Jeff with his new sticks was having a bad day and on the eight decided his snazzy new £150 driver would be better located in a gorse bush instead of his bag, thus it was duly dispatched.

 

Although all smiles a few holes later as eight points in three holes got him back in the match..........well in the four ball. Jeff's return to form also included stealing the longest drive as he bashed one down the middle (possibly the only one all day). Tony Dillien thought he had taken it off Jeff with the very next tee shot, and indeed he would have, if someone hadn't put a bunker in the middle of the fairway!

Andre had a very poor start, a good middle and a poor finish to his round. Unfortunate the good middle part of his round only lasted four holes......... The highlight of his day was possibly the cough as Bryan teed off on eleven.

 

Niall had another consistent day posting a respectable 27 points and securing back to back top three finishes.

 

Bryan Arthur had another solid day posting his third consecutive top three finish, and Baz did likewise with a good back nine.

 

Brian Lock however announced his return to competitive golf with his maiden victory. A win that sent him soaring up the order of merit table (well up to third bottom, which is a lot higher than West Ham United at the time of writing).

 

A team event was also contested, this was won by Baz and Simon Wray from two other groups on count-back.

 

Nearest the pin was not won as all ten players missed the green, although sneaky placement of the nearest the pin marker off the green may have had something to do with that.........

All Over bar the shouting..................................

 

Friday 28th June 2002 - Gloucester Stableford Competition - Gloucester Golf Club

 

The Gloucester Stableford followed a similar pattern to the rest of the season (that is when Brian Lock is not present) with victory going to Baz. In what proved be a pivotal day in the order of merit, not only did Baz take the fifteen points on offer for the win, but also helped himself to six bonus points by collecting the longest drive and the Nearest pin.

 

The day started well, a good journey down, glorious sunshine, and time to hit a bucket of balls at the range before heading to the first tee. Bryan made his intentions clear for the weekend by being the only person to hit the fifty yard sign at the range, Jeff also showed his intentions by returning the cup before play began.

The matchplay draw was made with the following matches to be played on the first afternoon.

 

Barry Hughes v Simon Wray

Davey Lard v Andre Clothier

Bryan Arthur (Bye)

Jeff Hughes v Tony Dillien

 

The pick of the ties was Jeff v Tony, with the winner to play Bryan on day two, in what looked a very tough draw on paper.

Andre earns his Sombrero

 

Saturday 29th June 2002

 

The second day saw the par three Texas Scramble competition take place in the morning – the least said about that the better as we soon discovered the par three course was in fact a pitch and putt course…………….

 

With a mix of 80 and 75 yard holes (with the odd hole of 218 yards thrown in for good measure !!!!) the scoring should have been better than it was, the major achievement was for Bryan Arthur and Tony Dillien to take 5 on a hole (in scramble format) and also to three putt in scramble format.

 

At the end of the match Andre, Simon and Lard posted 12 points (+6) while Bryan and Tony posted 15 points (+3). Baz and Jeff stood on the ninth tee at +2 needing a three to win, so took 4 instead and halved the match. At the first extra hole the match was halved in 4, at the second extra hole the match was halved in 4, finally at the 3rd extra hole Tony and Bryan secured the 3 which brought them victory.

 

It was decided not to play this course again but to get an earlier tee time for the Sunday. The second day also saw a new competition launched to find the player who scores best against his handicap, it was time for Andre to stand up and earn his Sombrero!!!!!!!!!!

 

The conditions for the second day were a lot tougher than the first day as the wind was whipping up across the course. It proved to be a day of consolidation, as no one really made a move and everyone posted very similar scores, except Andre who played his best round since Scotland 2000 and scored a best of the day 28 points.

 

The matchplay semi-finals saw Barry and Lard go head to head in a rematch from the previous years plate final. Tony took on Bryan in what turned out to be a classic. Andre also played Simon Wray in the plate semi-final with the winner meeting Jeff on Sunday.

 

Baz and Lard both shared a couple of early holes and all looked good for Baz as he pulled two clear shortly after the turn. Baz’s trouble began when he put his tee shot under a bridge on the 12th and failed to recover, this saw the lead cut to 1 hole. On the 14th Lard had a two foot putt for a possible win and missed. Baz having earlier been in complete control of the hole had two putts for a win and requested one of the balls be marked. When asked which ball he replied "the white one". This caused hysterics in the group as all players had white balls. Once calmness returned, Baz left his putt two feet short, this was duly missed and thus another half occurred and both players felt a hole had got away. Lard then went on to win the 15th hole and they were all square again.

 

On the 16th hole Baz again went one up and maintained this lead through the 17th, finally getting home on the 18th green for a one hole victory – beware the Lard 2003 matchplay is a game that suits him !!!

 

Andre finally had his first matchplay victory in the semi-final of the plate. He came through in a very tight match against Simon, by the score of 2&1. A remarkable victory really as Andre had chosen today to hit each and every tree on the course and somehow this game plan was successful.

 

Andre did also manage to post 28 points including a chip in birdie three on the 13th, which earned him five points for a net Albatross. Andre managed to score a round of -3 against handicap in very tough conditions, the nearest challengers to his total were Simon Wray and Dave Lard at +1.

 

The other matchplay semi-final was a great game with Tony blasting out the blocks like a 'bat out of hell', storming to 4 hole lead by the eighth. It appeared to be all over, however Bryan had other ideas and he started to pick the holes off one by one. On the 18th tee they were all square and after Tony belted his second into the cack Bryan was able to close out the match and win by 1up, or so we thought. On conclusion of the days events we headed back to the hotel and scrutinised the scores....................It soon became clear that Tony had in fact been 5up and that he still led by one hole on the 18th tee and thus the match was halved. So after much deliberation it was decided that all players should return to the course and Bryan and Tony would play extra holes from the 10th.

 

So after loading the cars up we descended on the course, appointed the appropriate caddies and made our way to the tenth tee.

 

On arriving back at the club Baz tested the suspension of his Astra by bumping up a small kerb and dropping down a large kerb the other side......................the least said about that the better – especially in print !!

 

On the 10th tee having not hit any balls for a good hour or so it was always going to be tough – Tony belted an absolute beauty straight down the middle. Bryan hit his out of bounds..................despite a good recovery 3rd off the tee and subsequent par with his second ball Tony had enough in hand to make a five and secure victory. This defeat was the first (and currently only) society matchplay defeat that Bryan has suffered.

 

Like Bryan the previous day Jeff had no match on Saturday and seemed to lack a little inspiration and dropped off the pace a little further. The one highlight of his day was a massive hook, which hit a tree and finished in the right hand rough, I'm sure you will agree not an easy shot to perform !!!

 

Again the day was finished off with some food and drink and some snooker – I think it is best not to mention what Simon and Jeff did next, Lard and I were left to shake our heads in disbelief. One noticeable absentee from late night snooker was Mr Arthur who announced at the dinner table he was going to bed, as he intended coming after Baz (on the golf course that is) the next day!

And still the lead keeps closing !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sunday 30th June 2002 - Matchplay Finals Day

 

What a day – as Bryan Arthur turned in the performance of the weekend to take the Cross Counties Cup to the last hole and then have a putt to win it.

 

Having made the boast on the first tee that 25 points would be more than enough in today’s tough conditions, it looked as Baz would have to eat his words as Bryan pulled points back on each and every occasion.

 

The matchplay final was a non event as Barry tried to play both Bryan and Tony for the first 8 holes and realised something had to give. Before long he was 5 down and looking at a heavy defeat. Baz did manage a run of 4 straight holes before ultimately losing 2&1 on the 17th green. As such Tony managed victory by knocking out (arguably) the three strongest players in the field, a worthy champion indeed.

 

Victory in the matchplay plate went to Andre as he paid Jeff back for an 8&7 drubbing at Dale Hill, with his own 7&6 drubbing in Gloucester – having waited so long to win a game, Andre is getting good at this matchplay and could be one to watch out for……….his sombrero obviously fits.

 

In the match between Jeff and Tony the early holes were shared until Jeff made a break just before the turn to gain a 2up lead after nine holes. Jeff used a particularly cunning shot on the 6th by hitting his second up a tree, onto a bridge (crossing a ditch) off both extremes of the bridge and then across the path to safety....................gentlemen we have a golden golf ball moment. On the back nine however Tony took charge coming home in a best of the weekend score of 42 strokes as he moved into a 2 hole lead. Jeff again pulled things around, only for Tony to par the final hole and nick a 2up victory.

 

In the match between Baz and Simon things were also very tight as both players played well on the front nine, in near perfect conditions Baz was only +5 course par at the turn but still only 2 up!!!! On the back nine however a run of early holes allowed Baz to sneak away and post a slightly flattering 5&4 victory. Simon had also put his own golden golf ball entry forward earlier in the day by suggesting we didn't pick the dog leg par three for the nearest the pin competition....................

 

Lard and Andre also battled against each other as the Lard continued his fine form. He eventually won the last three holes to take the match by 1up, shooting a score of 116 and trimming another seven shots of his best round. He also posted an impressive 30 points, good enough for second place on the day and his first top three finish.

 

The nail-biting climax of the Andre/Lard game was a little lost, as the guys only remembered they were playing each other on the 18th tee. As such they agreed to work out who had won in the hotel bar!

 

Bryan was his usual steady self and posted 30 points to secure another second place. Although by not having a match on the first day he never really got going and found himself 9 points a drift in the race for the Cross Counties Cup overnight.

The evening was finished off with a little snooker and then retirement to the sleeping area shortly after 03.00.

The Return of Senor Lock !!!

 

Sunday 1st September 2002

 

The fifth event of the season had a reasonable turn out as all the regulars (except Andre) came to Drayton Park, as did two guests. The conditions for the day were excellent as the course was in good nick and the weather was great.

 

Lard managed to set a new society first, as he became the first member to lose his ball prior to teeing off... OK, it was a steep bank, and the bushes did make it difficult to see, but really if ever there was a golden golf ball moment............ Thankfully this did not set the tone for the day and Dave carded an impressive 26 points.

 

Niall set the early pace as most players struggled with the speed of the greens, posting 18 points on the front nine, and leading by four points from Baz and six points from Simon and Brian Lock. A bad spell around the turn saw Baz post just seven points in seven holes and thus finished his interest in the competition for the day.

 

Bryan Arthur, the nearest challenger for the order of merit title, was however not able to capitalise as 9 points on the front nine left him well down the leader-board.

 

The competition really got started on the back nine as more and more players started to score points, in all half the field managed to score better than par on the way home and thus rise up the leader-board towards contention.

 

One such player was Simon Wray, who had his best day by far. After posting twelve points to the turn, Simon managed 20 points coming home, without a blob on the card. The highlight of Simon's round came on the 6th hole as Tony Dillien and Baz were hacking around in the vicinity of a fairway, Simon managed to hole a 50 yard chip shot from behind the green. He assures us it was a great shot but this is unconfirmed as nobody was watching!

 

The first attempt at nearest the pin, was at the 11th hole. This was a disaster as not for the first time this season, every player missed the green. This was not the case on the rollover hole as several players found the putting surface, but Tony Dillien was the closest and took the three bonus points on offer. Tony also managed to pick up the three bonus points for the longest drive, and having had a pretty poor day scoring, he managed to post a decent number of points towards the order of merit. The longest drive was actually achieved by Dave Morris who was playing as a guest as such he scooped the cash.

 

Niall continued to play well and posted another eighteen points on the back nine and his total of 36 points would have been enough to win most days, however Brian Lock put in the performance of the season to take the spoils.

 

Two net eagles, Three net birdies and four net pars, saw Brian record a staggering 25 points (-7 on par) on the back nine and victory by a single point. The charge began at the 10th where Brian's second shot hit the flag, and in all a return of 38 shots (including a 6 at the last) was the lowest nine hole score posted in the season so far.

The fat lady is belting out a tune !!!

 

Saturday 9th November 2002

The final event of the year saw a return to the London Hatfield Course with only two possible order of merit victors, Baz and Bryan Arthur. For Bryan to triumph he needed to play like God and hope luck was on his side. He did however feel confident enough to issue the same warning from Gloucester prior to teeing off.

 

Despite cutting time fine all the guys arrived at the first tee. The field was the largest of the season as all nine current players attended, as did Dave Morris making his first official society start. The groupings were duly arranged and play was ready, despite being in the middle of a wet weather week, we got luck as we picked the only dry day for the event.

 

The first sniff of what was to follow occurred on the first tee, as another society consisting of thirty players arrived well ahead of their tee time to give us an early hurry up. Andre playing his first round since Gloucester attempted to belt the ball away, in front of this gallery and managed to cut it sideways into the rough (Rough that was surely not in play from the tee!!!). Andre his playing partners Simon and Niall and several other society players (us and them) attempted to locate the ball. This was finally achieved but not the best way to start a day (there was a rumour that it wasn't even Andre's first attempt that found the rough....................)

 

The second group was Bryan, Tony, Jeff and Dave, and as a collective the guys only recorded eleven blobs between them across the eighteen holes.

 

The final group consisted of Lard, Baz and Brian and after the first hole we had taken 25 shots collectively to complete the not do difficult Par 5, not a good start. More troubles were to occur on other par 5’s through the course of the round..............

The highlight of the day for Simon Wray was a birdie two at the sixteenth hole, which gave him a net albatross and a net 0 for the hole, that’s just the type of news the handicap secretary likes to hear! Another solid performance from Niall saw him post 31 points and his fourth consecutive top three finish, and fourth place in the final table despite only playing four events. Simon and Andre struggled but a strong finish from both players saw them score eight points on the last three holes.

 

Baz and Brian were both playing ok and having a good tussle until shortly after the turn when Brian started to find trees, some more trees and then some other trees. In all Brian managed only six points in nine holes from the eighth to record his lowest finish of the season. It was during this spell that we started to get hassle, from a two-ball, from the society behind. It began on the 11thwhen they shouted down the fairway and coughed when Lard played his shot. Baz responded to this with some choice words. It was then at the 12th tee that Baz identified to Brian he had found someone for him to bash.

 

As Brian blobbed, so he got angrier and the prospect of him bashing someone became more possible. Even the dignified words of Dave Lard could not calm tempers as more scenes were played out on the 16th as the two-ball continued to try and bully their way through. Brian did calm down a bit towards the end and even suggested we mark our balls on the 18th green and let them play up.................

 

Nearest the pin was played on the 7th hole and won by Brian Lock. Jeff had hit his shot into about 20 feet but Brian collected his first bonus points of the season by knocking his ball into about 8 feet. Having not won the nearest the pin it was no longer possible for Bryan Arthur to get ahead of Baz and thus he fell off his game finishing fifth for the day and second overall for the season.

 

Dave Morris made an excellent start to his cross counties society participation by winning the longest drive. He almost became the third winner of the season as well, however a double bogey on the last proved costly and he recorded second place.

 

Jeff also returned to form with his first top three finish since the inaugural event back in November 2001 and with it secured third place overall.

Baz completed an excellent season by scoring 21 points on the back nine to win for the fourth time in the season. After a poor start a run of +2 course par on the last eight holes, was enough to see Baz snatch Jeff's course record by a single shot.

The major gongs had already been decided and were duly dished out after dinner. An inconvenient fire alarm interlude allowing us to camp in the car park was perhaps the one point of note early in the evening. A barefoot Marie and incapacitated Lard provided the moments of comedy once we were all assembled.

 

The main ‘outstanding’ award of the season, was for the crystal golf ball, as voted for by the viewing public.

 

In a close run battle the lard scooped first prize with the onion soup incident, well there really was no other possible outcome. The full results are shown below:

The chairman's medal was won by Tony Dillien, who came from three down after three holes to record a three up victory against Simon Wray.

 

The event saw two players nominated by the chairman to play a blind matchplay event with the winning margin being the factor for a charitable contribution to the Macmillan Cancer Appeal.

 

The victory saw Tony remain undefeated at Society matchplay, as he extended his winning sequence to four matches equalling the society record.

 

Dave would like to thank all players who made a contribution, it is not too late and cash can still be forwarded to Mr Dave Abbott, along with Christmas cards to his home address

 

(people on the day may have been led to believe the victory was five holes..............oops, what can I say, on the day it was just one statistic too far.)

The Captain communicates,

 

Troops - another fine year from the ranks of the Cross Counties! Several more battles have been fought on the green and occasionally pleasant fields of England. It’s difficult to describe the feeling of pride felt whilst watching ones troops at battle, the joy of being present when the chairman so easily overcame adversity to win a longest drive and lately to be privileged to have Bazzer recreate one of the most magnificent shots ever he has played (solely for the benefit of we who missed it first time round).

 

For those who may not yet have witnessed this feat, I present the vision - Bazzer on the tee, it’s persisting it down with rain. He limbers up, he takes aim, then, with an almighty thwack at the ball Bazzer sends his ball whizzing towards the green. Oops, what’s this - there’s a peculiar swishing sound, reminiscent of a helicopter blade spinning. Bazz has let go of his prized 5 iron - ball goes to green, 5 iron goes up tree! It should be noted that Jeff and Captain are standing under said tree, luckily for us the chairman was watching events and had the presence of mind to utter the "fore" word before collapsing with the giggles (don’t ask how long it took to retrieve the club). And so another committee day goes by. I look forward to many more exiting days and sign off asking you for a resounding cheer and welcome, to our newest committee member, the post being Captain of vice, Tony Dillien.

 

Il Capitano Arturo.

 

(All society members have been granted a special dispensation not to have to listen to tales from Wootton Bassett Past, Present or Future).

Out Of Bounds – Further musings of Chairman Lard

 

And so to bid you adieu and wish all you all fair fortune as we look forward to the highs, lows, tears and tantrums that is next year. As Mr Cooper, who were he alive I am sure would hold a position of note among our ranks, might put it...

 

"So I rang up a bloke at a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'"

 

He said "I'm not stopping you."

 

See you at the 19th where it is likely that I will be very, very drunk.

 

 

pip pip

Yours, Lard
Chairman, QC, FAB & Full of Meaty Goodness