Red night at night is not dogs delight

So we are playing in Porty (as XL would say, he being  Tim nice but dim).  I think this was 2015 nut Baz will correct me.  When baz, dog an myself are out in Pria du Luz for a pre CCC weekend beer.  I tell the waiter I can remove a cork from a wine bottle without a cork screw, and will do it for a free bottle of wine.  Of course he agrees, why you ask? Well he does! So I put the wine bottle base first in my trainer and bash my trainer against the wall… hey presto wine cork comes out of bottle…free wine… Bazzer being bazzer says I can do that and asks for a bottle of red wine.    A bottle appears and bazzer and dear stato follows the same process.  However the waiter has removed the cork and as bazzer hits the wall with the red wine uncorked in his shoe against the wall, it empties it contents all overe Dog.

Whats AdBlue?

So back in 2017 Barth, Bazzer, Dog an me have a sneaky beer and round of golf with Dog in  Praia de Luz.  Next day we drive from Dogs gaff in Praia de Luz to La Manga (where Dog found love) a short journey of 525 miles.  Well there was one of our group who drives a diesel, our dear friend Barth, as we are driving down all we  see on the dash is "AdBlue".  Barth says its ok keep driving.  Somehow we get to La Manga and the car dies outside the apartments reception.  Apparently AdBlue is important for Diesel engines

XL pulls his shots!!

So once again we crossed the border to do battle in Wales and do battle we would as Dom would win not only the Cross Counties Cup but also the Matchplay trophy.  However, this year was the year of controversy in the Dilly Memorial Trophy, who threw the dangerously sharp piece of paper at XL and why did XL almost chin Dom?

First the controversy “Si” and XL were playing in the Dilly Memorial Trophy when XL manages to get a half on the final hole.  However, Ewen then informs XL that his first was hot OOB and therefore “Si” won the hole to win 1 up.

Then in the bar for some strange reason we all start throwing pieces of paper (editor I think it was paper) at each other.  Somome then threw a piece of paper at XL, who jumped up and smashed Dom in the chest, lucky XL pulled the punch almost as much as he pulled his OOB shot earlier so no damage was done.  The most surpri”Si”ng thing was that for once Hughes Major was not blamed.

The Irish joy as the beer flowed free. 

Its 2019 and we are back in Porty (not sure why as it normally rains for us in Porty).  As usual we had a rather larger one on opening night.  Well Dog an myself had to tee off at 8am, GolfBreaks fucked up the booking (well so Bazzer says), whilst the rest of you tee'd off at midday'ish. 

Well pissed as a fart on the 2nd I only go and get a hole in one.  The Irish guys (who also were playing with the group in front ) where overjoyed, nothing tastes better than free beer.  So apparently I had phoned Vicky not to tell her of my major accomplishment, but to warn her of my bar bill..  Needless to say 4 hours after I opened the bar for my hole in one, you guts rolled in and made that bar bill all the more bigger.  BUT IT WAS WORTH IT. 

 

“Si” won, buggy dead.

Giles was paired up with “Si” and the pair of them decided to share a buggy.  All was going swimmingly well when “Si” put his ball in amongst some trees.  Giles being a nice fella and wanting to stay close to “Si” decided to follow “Si” into he trees with the buggy.  However, disaster struck Giles lost control of the buggy and accelerated straight into “Si”.  Lucky it was “Si” who got hit and the buggy hardly dented him.  Giles was of course devastated and to make matters worse the battery died (or was the buggy more damaged than “Si” following the collision), anyway the buggy was left dead on the golf course.

Operation COVID.

The weekend started with Hughes major finally being able to get into the UK to see Kiah and as she had turned 18, he had told her that she had to buy him a pint.  However, as Dog was in tow she was relived of this duty.    Dog and Hughes Major had decided the best way to get to Cornwall was by train and the COVID rules clearly stated that whilst eating and drinking it was not necessary to wear a face mask.  Therefore, on purchasing 8 cans each Dog and Hughes Major followed the rules carefully and arrived in Cornwall where they met Bazzer a little pissed.

The cross Counties Golf Society could not have been accommodated any better as they had put us in apartments quite a way from the hotel complex.  So, with Adam, Chairman Lard and Jack scuttling off to some local supermarket to get supplies Ewen reveals that he has packed a mini sports pack and unveils cards and a dart board.  So, with food, alcohol and games we all met up each night and had a pretty good laugh.  Although we did hear that some other group in the hotel had been sent home as they broke the rule of 6 and were congregating in one room.

The weather was not as good as the sports apartment we had made, and with a very tight leaderboard on the final day it rained, it rained, and it rained some more, with all groups walking in at various parts of the round.  However, how were we going to decide who won the Cross Counties Cup and got to take the claret jug home?  After Bazzer consulted everyone, it was decided that the overnight leader would be declared the winner, so Hughes Major flew back home with the claret jug.  The unfortunate runner up Adam, who was taming the monsoon did however win the Matchplay Trophy beating Bryan Arthur in the final 3&2.

Is it Carry on Abroad?

We do seem to find things difficult in Spain.  This year we arrived in Spain without and Ad blue issues however with Dogleg waiting for us at our hotel, he found it locked up and closed.  We eventually found that Golf Breaks had moved us as the hotel we were supposed to be staying at was still being built, of course they had omitted to tell us of the change.

We did have one stupid incident that caused Barth to get a little angry was when someone in the back of the hired minibus decided to pour some water onto Barth’s head.  All I can say is that people walking in the street stopped to see wear the torrent of abu”Si”ve language was coming from.

The one real highlight of the golf trip was however the Tapas we had, pos”Si”bly the best Tapas ever, washed down by plenty of Cervesa and Rioja.

Congratulations went to Dog for winning the Cross Counties Cup and Dom for winning the Matchplay Trophy.

Dom does not drink Whiskey!

We have now been going to warmer climes five times and we have this uncanny knack of bringing the wetter weather with us.  Who would have thought that playing golf in Cyprus in summer would cause us to have our round almost washed out.  Luckily, we stayed in the club house and were able to get out in the early afternoon and somehow both groups were able to finish the round albeit almost using our iPhone torches to play the 18th

One thing that always seems to happen on the Cross Counties Cup weekends is that Dom picks one night, usually the first night to decide that he is one of the big drinkers and stays out with Hughes Major and Dog.  The outcome is usually the same with Dom getting a little pissed.  However, this year Dom was splendidly drunk, and continuously informed all of us that he does not drink whiskey.  Well, we now know that’s true as Dom was lolling around all over the place and laughing hysterically.  He then decided that walking the 200 yards home was too difficult, however stealing a scooter and scootering home would be ok. The fact that he could not even “Si”t on a chair only made the outcome more inevitable.  Within the space of 5 yards Dom was laying on the floor with the scooter in top of him.

A NUMPTY won!!!!

It would be extremely rude not to spend a minute or two to describe what was an historic moment.  We have had a Numpty play in the final foursome, when Chairman Lard achieved this feat at Bournemouth in 2014.  However, this year not only did a Numpty once again play in the final foursome, but they also had the audacity to win it.  Congratulations to “Si” for the winning the Cross Counties Cup and being the first Numpty to do so.  Jack Nicholas once said, “Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work".  With the introduction of the World Handicap System, I think this quote should have read “Having shit loads of shots can make anyone a contender. “Therefore the Cross Counties Cup is shared between “Si” and the World Handicap System…..Seriously though what the WHS has created is a level p[laying field whereby anyone on their day can win.

We have eventually found our way to the emerald isle and the first thin that Barth, Dog, Bazzer and Hughes Major tried to do was to see if they could blag a late evening tee time on the Portrush championship course, only to be told that tee times were full for the next two years…..The courses in North Ireland were gems, although if you missed the fairway, you were deep in the cabbages.  This did not deter Andre who took home the claret jug beating Bazzer by one shot and making it back-to-back cross counties Cup wins for our Numpties.

Darren, Darren where are you?

With Barth finally getting us to his homeland, there was only one thing to do.   You may think that it was one of these historic things

 

• Visit the Giants Causeway
• See the Titanic exhibition
• See Dunluce Castle
• Go to the Bushmills distillery
• Or even visit the Game of Thrones sites

 

No for Barth there was only one thing to do, hunt for Darren Clark.  We were lucky enough to see his Car Park space at Portrush golf course and even have a Guinness or two in the pub he drank in.  Alas he must have heard we were coming and made himself scares all weekend.

What no Golf!!

So back to the sunshine as we revisited La Manga, this time there was no Ad Blue issues, and everyone got to resort without any real issues.  Much to the group’s relief Dog, Bazzer and Hughes Major arrived in La Manga a day earlier and decided that Whiskey club was open.  With the bottle of Whiskey finished at 4am the lads decided it was time to call it a night, they set their alarms for the morning with Siri telling them their alarm would go off in 3 hours 55 minutes.  Shit they had an early tee off on the South course.  Not to be deterred the lads made it to the first tee and playing a scramble shot a respectable 3 under par 70.  This was the only good golf Hughes Major played all week as he releases multiple Pro V1’s back to the wild.

Buggy Gate

So off to the west course we went, Bazzer had all the grouping sorted, ensuring all the Matchplay games were organised.  Then disaster struck, the west course was deserted, luckily or not, you can decide Barth and Patchy were up at the main site and had organised and paid for 3 buggies.  Hurrah some screamed.  For Bazzer this was a headache as the buggy riders did not fit the foursomes he organised, the Matchplay matches were a mess and would need to be played the next day.  There were some winners and losers here with the main winner being Hughes Major and main loser being Barth.  Jeff played so shit on day 2 that he got two shots extra for the final day and Barth made the mistake of winning Day 2 so get got cut three shots.  This eventually meant that Jeff won the Matchplay trophy from Barth 1 Up, making him the fifth person to complete the Grand Slam of Majors.  A special mention must go to Barth though who on the 18^th giving Hughes Major a shot   put his tee shot in one of the many “barrancos” found on the course, took his drop and hit the most amazing approach shot to 4 feet.  There was no doubt Hughes Major had a twitchy bum as he rolled in put for 5 when Barth’s par put lipped out, had it dropped Barth would have won on count back.